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WITandWISDOM(tm) - June 8, 1998 THOUGHTS: The best vitamin for making friends: B1. (Shared by Tatyana Ogbe via Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List KSullivan@worldnet.att.net) SPECIAL THOUGHTS: From Internet Oracularities #967: The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: "O mighty Oracle, wise beyond measure, intelligent beyond belief, How can I find true happiness?" And in response, thus spake the Oracle: Balance your checkbook. (Honestly, this time!) Buy yourself a bunch of flowers. (If not you, then who?) Adopt a large, grown-up, grouchy cat from the Humane Society. (If not you, then who?) Talk back to the television. Better, yet, don't "watch" television. Read a good book. "Write" a good book. (It's not "that" hard!) Don't answer the telephone. Ever. Visit your mother. If she died, visit your father. If "he" died, visit a nursing home. They need you. The next time some panhandler asks you for "spare change," take him or her to a diner and buy him a cup of coffee and a couple of bowls of soup. Go to a coin shop and buy a gold coin worth $200 or $300 (or as much as you can afford). The next time you pass by a Salvation Army kettle, drop the coin in. Don't take it off your taxes. Call up someone you're really angry at and apologize. Even if you are right and they are wrong, apologize. Drive to a neighborhood at least five miles away and shovel the sidewalk for a complete stranger. Sit down and have a good cry. Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and fix coffee. Stay to listen to the stories. Visit a church you've never been to before. Stay after the service and talk to the people who belong to that church. Stand outside a local hospital with a bunch of flowers and give it to the first person who walks out the door. Kiss them on the cheek and leave without saying a word. It'll freak them out. The second time some panhandler asks you for "spare change," take off your coat, your hat, your boots and your gloves. Kneel down before them and lay all of those things before their feet. Stand up and walk away, without a word. Volunteer to help a Girl Scout or Boy Scout troop. Set your alarm and get up at 3:00 a.m. Take off all your clothes. Go out into the back yard and look at the sky. Don't stay long, or you'll catch a cold. Call up your best friend and tell that person that you love them. The next time you're in the grocery store, buy a sack of rice or a toothbrush or a box of diapers and donate it to the Salvation Army. In other words, live outside yourself. Give. Care. Try. Believe. (Shared by Gareth Marshall via ‘Have A Nice Day' E-mail list smiles@bapp.com) THIS & THAT: GOING TO THE DOGS Part 2 of 2 "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." - Ann Landers "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." - Robert A. Heinlein "In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." - Ben Williams "When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." - Edward Abbey "Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." - Unknown "Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.." - Unknown "No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does." - Christopher Morley "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself." - Josh Billings "Man is a dog's idea of what God should be." - Holbrook Jackson "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." - Andrew A. Rooney "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion" - Unknown "Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in." - Mark Twain "I care not for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it." - Abraham Lincoln "If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." - Unknown "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain "Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane." - Smiley Blanton "I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts." - John Steinbeck "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner (Shared by Walt Groff) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little boy opened the big, old family Bible with fascination; he looked at the old pages as he turned them. The Bible had belonged to his grandmother. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!!!!!" (Shared by The Russell's) TRIVIA: Had the big bang been weaker, the cosmos would have soon fallen back on itself in a big crunch. On the other hand, had it been stronger, the cosmic material would have dispersed so rapidly that galaxies would not have formed. . . If this balance had been off by 1 to a staggering 10 to the 60th power, we couldn't exist. . . Suppose you wanted to fire a bullet at a one-inch target on the other side of the observable universe, 20 billion light-years away. Your aim would have to be accurate to that same 1 to 10 to the 60thpower. - Paul Davies, God and the New Physics |