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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 17, 1998 THOUGHTS: Character is made by what you stand for; reputation, by what you fall for. - Robert Quillen (Shared by Judy Robinett via DailyQuote c1997 http://www.dailycast.com) SPECIAL THOUGHTS: When George Matheson realized that he was going blind, he wrote a letter to young lady to whom he was engaged, offering to release her from her covenant of love because of his certain blindness. To his surprise and deep regret, she accepted the offered release. The young poet-preacher was plunged into a veritable Gethsemene of sorrow. In time, however, his feet found the Rock of Ages. He sought and found peace and rest in the One who "is acquainted with grief." Then he went to his desk, and, in the travail of his soul, a great hymn was born. Sore and sick at heart for the love that had let him go, he wrote: "O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in Thee; I give Thee back the life I owe, That, in Thine ocean depths, its flow May richer, fuller be!" Then, as victory over his impending affliction found utterance, he wrote that wonderful second stanza. It is a prayer of resignation with which few of us could face the defeat and disappointment of blindness: "O Light that followest all my way, I yield my flickering torch to Thee; My heart restores its borrowed ray, That, in Thy sunshine's glow, its day May brighter, fairer be!" By Sherman A. Nagel, Signs of the Times, February 12, 1924 http://www.pacificpress.com/signs (Shared by Dale Galusha) THIS & THAT: HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY FOR PARENTHOOD MESS TEST Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night). GROCERY STORE TEST Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. DRESSING TEST Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside. FEEDING TEST Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. NIGHT TEST Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN) Obtain a large bean-bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans. PHYSICAL TEST (MEN) Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. AUTOMOBILE TEST Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both side of the car. There, perfect! INGENUITY TEST Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. FINAL ASSIGNMENT Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. (Shared by David R. Darrow via Bill's Punch Line tcmrtalk@airmail.net) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted. "My Mummy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!" (Shared by Kitty's Daily Mews http://www.katscratch.com) TRIVIA: Penguins and Pilots, Audubon Society Magazine A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the waters edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and return directly toward the penguin colony and over-fly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs." (Shared by David Youngs' GOOD Stuff!! davidy@bayview.net) |