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WIT & WISDOM - August 17, 1998 ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume . . . it is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever." - Vance Havner [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position." "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments." "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane." "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately." "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining. Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know." Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. . . it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella... WHOA Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children." "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. . . Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!" [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A New Yorker traveling through west Texas stopped in the little town of Rankin for lunch. As he stepped out on to the little Main Street, the 40 mile per hour wind practically pulled the car door off! He started towards the diner, leaning into the wind, with on hand on his hat to keep it from being blown off. As he approached the stores he saw an old-timer leaning against the corner of the building, reading a newspaper. The New Yorker was fascinated that he held the paper just right so the wind wouldn't even ruffle it as he read. He asked the man, "Sir, does the wind blow like this all the time?" The old timer looked up and faced into the wind, as if he suddenly just noticed it, turned back, eyed the stranger from head to foot, and said, "Noooope. Sometimes it comes from the other direction." [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: The largest works of art on the planet are the "Nazca Lines" in the Nazca Desert of Peru, 185 miles south of Lima. Some of these shapes, which are visible only from the air, are more than seven miles long! The Nazca figures were scratched into an arid plain somewhere between 100 BC and 600 AD. There are geometric shapes, figures of plants and animals, and straight lines. They were first noticed in 1928. No one knows why the Nazca Lines were drawn, or who drew them. For an article with pictures of the mysterious Nazca figures, visit ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [2] (Annabel Haynes & Timothy Cabrera) [3] (Doug Taylor via Good, Clean Funnies List [4] (Laugh-A-Lot! [5] (The Learning Kingdom |