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WIT & WISDOM - October 6, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh, you might as well laugh about it now. - Marie Osmond [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Kindness: a language the deaf can hear, the blind can see, and the mute can speak. When you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours. What holds you together is far greater than what can tear you apart. Respect costs nothing. Life is like a soap opera. God is the head writer; your story line keeps changing; it's a daily event; and there are Friday cliffhangers. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up. Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment. [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: RUMINATIONS I am the most anti-social person I know. But of course, I don't know anyone because I'm so anti-social. - Derek Neitzel Maybe tomorrow is actually the last day of the first part of my life. - Michael McCuiston Graduation is a funny thing. It probably helps that I went to clown college, though. - Justin E. Kerner I bet that guy who learned everything he needed to know in kindergarten feels pretty dumb paying his student loan every month. - Pat Perez I wonder if NASA thought the moon might be made of cheese before they sent up the Apollo 11 crew. Because if it was, it would have been really bad if the astronauts were lactose intolerant. - Paul Paternoster If you stacked all the US currency together, you could probably reach the moon, but I bet the Apollo program was still more economical. - Larry Baum The first thing I do after opening a bar of Ivory soap is to scrape off the .0056 part that's impure. I mean, who wants to wash themselves with that stuff? - Paul Paternoster Scientists say there are over 3,000 spiders for every human being on earth. Does anybody want mine? I certainly don't. - Chuck Bonner I read once that Shakespeare had a vocabulary of 17,000 words. That's pretty impressive, but I bet he used some of them twice. - Jeff Alexander [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President." [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: The greater honey guide bird of eastern Africa loves to eat honey but it can't open bees' nests by itself. So when it finds one, it goes looking for an animal called a ratel, or honey badger. The bird calls out loudly, attracting the badger's attention. Then it flies toward the bees' nest, making sure the badger is following. On arriving, the badger tears open the nest with its strong claws, and badger and bird both feast on honey, beeswax, and bee larvae. The honey guide bird also knows about another species of creature that loves honey: humans! African tribesmen follow the birds for the same reasons. More about honey guides and badgers: http://www.geocities.com/~brockwatch/2melliv1.html http://www.geo cities.com/~brockwatch/2melliv2.html [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Michael Keith via Keith's Mostly Clean Humor KSullivan@worldnet.att.net) [2] (Carol) [3] (Keith's Mostly Clean Humor KSullivan@worldnet.att.net) [4] (Funny Town http://www.funnytown.com/) [5] (The Learning Kingdom http://www.LearningKingdom.com/join.html) |