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WIT & WISDOM - October 12, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Larn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: "You will see now whether my word will come to pass unto you or not." Numbers 11:23 God had made a positive promise to Moses that for the space of a whole month he would feed the vast host in the wilderness with flesh. Moses, being overtaken by a fit of unbelief, looks to the outward means, and is at a loss to know how the promise can be fulfilled. He looked to the creature instead of the Creator. But does the Creator expect the creature to fulfil his promise for him? No; he who makes the promise ever fulfils it by his own unaided omnipotence. If he speaks, it is done - done by himself. His promises do not depend for their fulfilment upon the co-operation of the puny strength of man. We can at once perceive the mistake which Moses made. And yet how commonly we do the same! - Charles Spurgeon, "Morning and Evening Daily Readings" ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University (Name is classified) grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: - All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: - Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind. DEPT OF HISTORY: - All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: - What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: - Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A. DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: - Grades are variable. DEPT OF LOGIC: - If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A. DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: - Random number generator determines grade. MUSIC DEPARTMENT: - Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively). [2] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed bowling ball from trunk". [3] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: The most ethnically diverse zip code in the United States is Elmhurst, New York 11373. Statisticians say 12,920 legal immigrants from 123 nations settled in this 2.2-square-mile chunk of Queens in New York City from 1990 to 1994. As waves of immigrants have moved to new York in the past decade, many have joined family and friends in ethnic enclaves. But no single nationality dominates in Elmhurst. The largest group of settlers came from China, followed by arrivals from Colombia, the Philippines, India, Korea, the Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Bangladesh, Peru, and Pakistan. Nations as different as Iran and Guatemala, Ghana and Egypt add to the mix. - National Geographic, September 1998 ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Sage Mueller via DailyQuote c1997 [2] (Felix via New Humor [3] (Teresa's Jokers |