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WIT & WISDOM - October 30, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: hen we fail to praise people who deserve praise, two sad things happen; we run a chance of driving them from the right road for want of encouragement, and we deprive ourselves of one of the very happiest of our privileges - the privilege of rewarding labor that deserves a reward. - John Ruskin Bits & Pieces, June 27, 1991 [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: THE TOP 10 RULES FOR THE GOOD LIFE By: Thomas Jefferson 1. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today. 2. Never trouble another for what you can do yourself. 3. Never spend your money before you have it. 4. Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will never be dear to you. 5. Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold. 6. Never repent of having eaten too little. 7. Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly. 8. Don't let the evils which have never happened cost you pain. 9. Always take things by their smooth handle. 10. When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to one hundred. [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: ELEVATOR SAFETY MEMO I just saw this at a new job I'm starting at. Apparently, this is a fun place to work, based on how much fun the Human Resources has. . . . (the names have been changed, not that anyone would know them anyway). + + + + + To: All Employees From: Mary (Human Resources) Re: Elevator Safety Yes, it is time again for one of those profound memos from the Human Resource Department. You may be aware of the fact that several people were stuck in the elevator today. Apparently, the cause was due to the elevator being overloaded. As a result, I put together a list of recommendations which will help improve elevator safety. 1. Do not allow more than 9 to 10 people to travel in the elevator with you. 2. Make sure you have gone to the bathroom prior to riding the elevator. 3. As a courtesy to all the people that are riding the elevator with you, refrain from eating beans for breakfast or lunch. 4. Wait for the next elevator in the event that Judy, Janet or Tammy are going to ride. Judy and Janet are claustrophobics, and Tammy just panics about everything. In the event that you decide to ride with any combination of these three ladies, I hope you know CPR. 5. If you find it absolutely necessary to get stuck in the elevator, please punch out. All kidding aside, please follow the first suggestion. It is important to ensure your safety. [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A city man was tooling down a country road when his car sputtered to a complete stop near a field filled with cows. The driver, getting out to see what was the matter, noticed one of the cows looking at him. "I believe it's your radiator," said the cow. The man nearly jumped right out of his city slicker britches! He ran to the nearest farmhouse and knocked on the door. "A cow just gave me advice about my car!" he shouted, waving his arms frantically back toward the field. The farmer nonchalantly leaned out beyond the door frame to glance down the field. "The cow with two big black spots on it?" the farmer asked slowly. "Yes! Yes! That's the one!" the excited man replied. "Oh. Well, that's Ethel," the farmer said, turning back to the man. "Don't pay any attention to her. She doesn't know a thing about cars." [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: About 98% of Antarctica is covered with ice, and the average thickness of the Antarctic ice sheet is 7,200 feet (2,200 meters). The thickest ice, found in Wilkes Land, is 15,700 feet (4785 m) thick. This is about ten times the height of the Petronas Towers in Malaysia, the world's tallest office building! Antarctica holds about 70% of all the freshwater in the world in its ice. If all the ice were to melt, sea level would rise 230 feet (67 meters). If this happened, the reduced pressure on the continent of Antarctica would cause it to rise about 3200 feet (1000 m). More about icy Antarctica: http://www.glacier.rice.edu/chapters/invitation/1_ice.html [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (http://www.epinc.com/) [2] (Jeannie via The Funnies [3] (Zayphod via Keith's Mostly Clean Humor [4] (Laugh-A-Lot! [5] (The Learning Kingdom |