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WIT & WISDOM - November 16, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Everyone needs recognition for his accomplishments, but few people make the need known quite as clearly as the little boy who said to his father: "Let's play darts. I'll throw and you say `Wonderful!" [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Several years ago I was invited to hear an important speaker address the student body of a small college in South Carolina. The auditorium was filled with students excited about the opportunity to hear a person of her stature speak. After the governor gave the introduction, the speaker moved to the microphone, looked at the audience from left to right, and began: "I was born to a mother who was deaf and could not speak. I do not know who my father is or was. The first job I ever had was in a cotton field." The audience was spellbound. "Nothing has to remain the way it is if that's not the way a person wants it to be," she continued. "It isn't luck, and it isn't circumstances, and it isn't being born a certain way that causes a person's future to become what it becomes." And she softly repeated, "Nothing has to remain the way it is if that's not the way a person wants it to be. "All a person has to do," she added in a firm voice, "to change a situation that brings unhappiness or dissatisfaction is answer the question: "How do I want this situation to become?" Then the person must commit totally to personal actions that carry them there." Then a beautiful smile shone forth as she said, "My name is Azie Taylor Morton. I stand before you today as treasurer of the United States of America." Bob Moore from Chicken Soup for the Soul at Work, Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Maida Rogerson, Martin Rutte & Tim Clauss [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: From a book called, "WISDOM FROM THE WALLS" by Kristen Kammerer and Bridget Snyder: Part 1 of 2 Beauty is only a light switch away. Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards. Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, MA Amendment 2 and OCA, soon you will be DOA. On a tombstone used as part of a Halloween display, Hamburger Mary's, Seattle, WA If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Armand's Pizza, Washington, D.C. If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for ice. Smoky Joe's., Philadelphia, PA Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia Beware of limbo dancers. On the bottom of the stall door, Women's Restroom, Broad Ripple Brew Pub, Indianapolis, IN Rome wasn't built in a day. That's because it was a government job. Women's Restroom, City View Tavern, Cincinnati, OH I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. Bailey Howe Library, University of Vermont. Burlington, VT At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled. [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: The brain can store up to 800 memories per second to the age of 75. Or said another way the brain can store up to 280,000,000,000,000,000,000 (280 quintillion) memories. - Life Studies Institute [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Teresa's Jokers [2] (Chicken Soup for the Soul [3] (The Funny! List [4] (Joke of the Day [5] (Joni Findley) |