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~~~~~~~ WIT and WISDOM - March 3, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "Do not start today, with the broken pieces of Yesterday." (E-zine: THE FUNNIES Mailto:Andychap@aol.com) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: I couldn't take it anymore. Even though I didn't have a job to go to and the church would probably close down, I decided to resign. I had reached the end. The next day at church I was surprised by the grace of God. Several church leaders had planned a Clergy Appreciation Sunday. They gave us gifts, meals for a week, performed special songs and shared testimonies as to how God had used us in their lives. Then they prayed for us. From that moment, the worst was over. We stayed. - a Wisconsin pastor, Focus on the Family (http://www.family.org) ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: A HOME MECHANIC'S TOOL GUIDE - Part 2 or 2 (Part 1, 2- 23) EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters. PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short. (E-zine: TERESA'S JOKERS http://www.eGroups.com/list/jo- jokers/) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. "Are you a pole vaulter?" "No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?" (Daily Smile ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: If you're trying to figure out whether or not some particular charity is worthy of support, check out http://www.give.org/index.cfm They publish their standards for rating charities, and then rate over 400 different charities using these standards. If you don't find the charity listed there you can also check out the Better Business Bureau site at http://www.bbb.org/reports/charity.asp (Bunni) |