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~~~~~~~ WIT and WISDOM - March 5, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant." - Robert Louis Stevenson (Doyle Lorenz) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Brenda was a young woman who was invited to go rock climbing. Although she was scared to death, she went with her group to a tremendous granite cliff. In spite of her fear, she put on the gear, took a hold on the rope, and started up the face of that rock. Well, she got to a ledge where she could take a breather. As she was hanging on there, the safety rope snapped against Brenda's eye and knocked out her contact lens. Well, here she is on a rock ledge, with hundreds of feet below her and hundreds of feet above her. Of course, she looked and looked and looked, hoping it had landed on the ledge, but it just wasn't there. Here she was, far from home, her sight now blurry. She was desperate and began to get upset, so she prayed for help to find it. When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but there was no contact lens to be found. She sat down, despondent, with the rest of the party, waiting for the rest of them to make it up the face of the cliff. She looked out across range after range of mountains thinking of that Bible verse that says, "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth." She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me." Finally, they walked down the trail to the bottom. At the bottom there was a new party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?" Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across the face of the rock, carrying it. Brenda told me that her father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a picture of an ant lugging that contact lens with the words, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry for You." I think it would probably do some of us good to occasionally say "God, I don't know why you want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if you want me to carry it, I will." A true story by Josh and Karen Zarandona Submitted by Curt Perkins and Loraine Spady ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: DEFINITIONS FOR MODERN TIMES BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage. INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time. YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed. TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. (E-zine: HUMORG Mailto:Judib@kktv.com) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look. . . I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only. . . Smith, Jones, Baker. . . that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling." "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . " (David A. Rinke II via E-zine: KEITH'S MOSTLY CLEAN HUMOR Mailto:KSullivan@worldnet.att.net) ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: A rattlesnake struck at a man who was working on a fence. Trying to jump away, the man tore his leg on one of the barbs but thought that the snake had bitten him. When the doctor arrived, the patient was so near death that the doctor thought that it was too late - until he examined the wound. Upon being convinced that he had not been bitten, the man soon returned to normal. The swelling in his leg quickly subsided, and his heart resumed its regular beat. By Murl Vance, Signs of the Times, February 21, 1950 Dale Galusha http://www.pacificpress.com/signs |