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~~~~~~~ WITANDWISDOM™ - April 22, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you love them." - Author Unknown (E-zine: THIS AND THAT Mailto:milady@mediaone.net) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: WHICH HOUSE DO YOU LIVE IN?? - Author unknown "I got two A's," the small boy cried. His voice was filled with glee. His father very bluntly asked, "Why didn't you get three?" "Mom. I've got the dishes done!" The girl called from the door. Her mother very calmly said, "And did you sweep the floor?" "I've mowed the grass," the tall boy said, "And put the mower away!" His father asked him, with a shrug. "Did you clean off the clay?" The children in the house next door Seem happy and content. The same things happened over there, But this is how it went: "I got two A's," the small boy cried, His voice was filled with glee. His father proudly said, "That's great! I'm glad you live with me!" "Mom I've got the dishes done! The girl called from the door. Her mother smiled and softly said. "Each day I love you more." "I've mowed the grass." the tall boy said. "And put the mower away!" His father answered with much joy. "You've made my happy day!" Children deserve a little praise For tasks they're asked to do If they're to lead a happy life. So much depends on you. (Marcia Buehman via E-zine: MONDAY FODDER Mailto:dgaufaaa@iohk.com) ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: PASTORAL CANDIDATES The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a pastorate. ADAM: Good man but problems with his wife. NOAH: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects. JOSEPH: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting, and has a prison record. MOSES: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge. DAVID: He is an unacceptable moral character. SOLOMON: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives. ELIJAH: Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure. HOSEA: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife's occupation. DEBORAH: Strong leader and seems to be anointed, but she is female. JEREMIAH: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things, reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river. ISAIAH: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language. JONAH: Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up. AMOS: Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he might have promise, but has a hang-up against wealthy people - might fit in better in a poor congregation. JOHN: Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn't dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders. PETER: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper - even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. PAUL: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night. JAMES & JOHN: Package deal preacher & associate seemed good at first, but found out they have an ego problem regarding other fellow workers and seating positions. Threatened an entire town after an insult. Also known to try to discourage workers who didn't follow along with them. TIMOTHY: Too young! METHUSELAH: Too old . . . WAY too old! JESUS: Has had popular times, but once his church grew to 5000 he managed to offend them all, and then this church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he's single. JUDAS: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here. (E-zine: TERESA'S JOKERS http://www.eGroups.com/list/jo- jokers/) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!" "What is it? her sisters asked eagerly. Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!" (Jokes Every Day ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. . . when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. That's where the phrase, "good night, sleep tight" came from. (E-zine: JOKES4U http://jokes4u.com/) How does the B-2 bomber avoid detection? . . . Answer tomorrow. |