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~~~~~~~ WITandWISDOM™ - May 26, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "For fast-acting relief, try slowing down." - Lily Tomlin (E-zine: TIDBITS DAILY DEVOTIONAL http://members.aol.com/champ7/Tidbits.htm) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day. Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance the you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!!!! Each of us has such a bank. Its name is "TIME". Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There in no going back. There is no drawing against the "TOMORROW". You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success. The clock is running. Make the most of today. To realize the value of "one month", ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of "one week", ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of "one hour", ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of "one minute", ask the person who missed the train. To realize the value of "one second", ask the person who just avoided an accident. To realize the value of "one millisecond", ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics. Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time. Remember that time waits for no one. Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. -Author Unknown (Kirstie E Heinrichs) ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: TIPS ON HOME PROTECTION: The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few signs in well-placed locations. 1. Dear Mr. Butcher, starting tomorrow, please leave eight pounds of meat for Brutus. Six pounds only makes him angry and vicious! 2. Dear Mr. Mailman, Please be sure to keep all parts of your body well clear of the mail slot opening. PS. Any sign of that book we sent for, "The Care and Feeding of Wild Jungle Cats"? 3. Selma, don't come in! The boa constrictor got loose again . . . 4. Dear Mr. Exterminator, be very careful when you go inside! The termites have eaten through most of the floorboards and you will fall into the basement where all of the rats are! 5. To whom it may concern: some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identification Numbers. Others have merely been wired to explode when touched. Good luck . . . (E-zine: JOKE_A_WEEK http://www.onelist.com/viewarchive.cgi?listname=Joke_a_Week) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: There was no joy aboard Northwest Airlines' Minneapolis-Seattle flight Friday evening. The flight had been delayed nearly five hours and the airline had announced that, due to the delay, there would be no meal service. As the passengers grumbled, the pilot came on with an apology: "Sorry about the inconvenience. We suggest that, when this happens, you do what we crew members do. . . . Take it out on the flight attendants." - Jean Godden, April 15, 1998, Copyright © 1998, The Seattle Times Company (E-zine: KEITH'S MOSTLY CLEAN HUMOR Mailto:KSullivan@worldnet.att.net) ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: Which soda used to contain an antidepressant? . . . Looking for a little pick-me-up with your mid afternoon snack? If it was the late 1920's, you would to need look no further than a cold, refreshing glass of "Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda". Every soft drink needs something to help it stand out from the rest, and apparently that humongous name wasn't enough for inventor C.L. Griggs. Griggs introduced his antidepressant infused beverage shortly before the stock market crash of 1929 (talk about good timing!). The name was soon shortened to the now popular 7-Up, but the lithium stayed in the recipe until the 1940's. - Source: WHY DOES POPCORN POP? By Don Vorhees (E-zine: MAILBITS.COM http://www.MailBits.com/Trivia) |