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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 7, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell. - Simone Weil (E-zine: THOUGHT OF THE DAY Mailto:majordomo@c-realm.com?message=subscribe totd) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: I needed the quiet so he drew me aside Into the shadows where we could confide, Away from the bustle where all the day long I hurried and worried when active and strong. I needed the quiet tho at first I rebelled, But gently, so gently my cross he upheld, And whispered so sweetly of spiritual things, Tho weakened in body, my spirit took wings To heights never heard of when active and gay, He loved me so greatly he drew me away. I needed the quiet, no prison my bed, But a beautiful valley of blessings instead– A place to grow richer in Jesus to hide I needed the quiet so he drew me aside. - Alice H. Mortenson (E-zine: DAILY ENCOUNTER http://www.actsweb.org/encounter.htm) ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB? GOLDEN RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. DACHSHUND: I can't reach the silly lamp! TOY POODLE: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. ROTTWEILER: Go Ahead! Make me! SHI-TZU: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . LAB: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I? MALAMUTE: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy. COCKER SPANIEL: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. DOBERMAN PINSCHER: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch. MASTIFF: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark. HOUND DOG: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ CHIHUAHUA: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. POINTER: I see it, there it is, right there... GREYHOUND: It isn't moving. Who cares? AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle. . . OLD ENGLISH SHEEP DOG: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb? (E-zine: HAVE A NICE DAY Mailto:smiles@bapp.com) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: Last summer, when the power mower was broken & wouldn't run, I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sunk in. Finally I thought of a clever way to make the point. When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time, then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments, and when he came out again he handed me a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks." (E-zine: JOKES EVERY DAY Mailto:jokesubscribe@jokeseveryday.com) ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: I read that Francis of Assisi was terrified of leprosy. One day while traveling on a narrow path, he came face to face with a leper. For fear of contamination by the loathsome disease, he instinctively put as much distance as possible between himself and this stranger as he passed by. Immediately he felt convicted so turned around, ran back, cast his arms around the sufferer's neck, kissed him, and passed on. A moment later he looked back. There was no one there. All he could see was the empty path. For the rest of his days he was sure that the stranger whom he had embraced wasn't a leper, but Christ himself. Source: Weekend Encounter, by Dick Innes, Copyright 1999, www.actsweb.org/subscribe.htm via http://www.witandwisdom.org |