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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 22, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Excellence can be attained if you Care more than others think is wise, Risk more than others think is safe, Dream more than others think is practical, and Expect more than others think is possible. - Author Unknown (Temple Porter via E-zine: DAILYQUOTE c1999 http://www.dailycast.com) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: When we search the Gospels, we never find a place where Jesus was offended by a sinful person. But there are repeated accounts of His being offended by the self-righteousness of so-called holy people who set themselves apart from the rest of humanity in their own eyes. For these people, He didn't even have the time of day, except to warn them of the judgment to come, a judgment brought about by their refusal to see them-selves as needy as the next guy. - John Fischer, "Men's Devotional Bible" ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: QUIPS & QUOTES It is harder to conceal ignorance than to acquire knowledge. Experience may be the best teacher, but it sure is a tough grader. - Bob Thaves (Frank & Ernest) Sign on a pest-control truck: "Got a web site? No problem!" I have claustrophobia combined with fear of success, so I completely fell apart when I did a really good job painting the inside of my closet. - Bob Thaves (Frank & Ernest) For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday. - Senator John Glenn I panicked and hung up! What kind of sick company has an actual PERSON answer their phone?! - Bob Thaves (Frank & Ernest) How could I have been doing 70 miles an hour when I've only been driving for 10 minutes? - Jim Unger (Herman) You know you're a parent when peace and quiet are more suspicious than they are relaxing. - Rick Kirkman & Jerry Scott (Baby Blues) Old age is when your former classmates are so gray, wrinkled and bald that they don't recognize you. - Bennett Cerf People act like it's such a shame dinosaurs are extinct, but if they suddenly reappeared and a T-Rex ate a Girl Scout troop, I bet they'd change their minds. - Caroline Gennity (E-zine: KEITH'S MOSTLY CLEAN HUMOR http://hostigos.otherwhen.com/mailing_lists.html#MCHAWLIST) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "How are you, Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?" "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father." Said she. "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank-you, Father." And away she went. A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's gone to Rome to blow that candle out!" MONDAY FODDER Mailto:dgaufaaa@iohk.com?subject=Subscribe_Monday_Fodder ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: Why don't identical twins have identical fingerprints? . . . So-called identical twins are not exactly identical. They have identical DNA patterns, but how that pattern forms into a person varies according to several factors. For instance, twin embryos don't have equal blood supplies, resulting in a size difference at birth. Hormone levels or growth factors also account for subtle differences in twins, as does how DNA is read during development. Minor variations in the environment can also influence how identical genes are read, giving the rest of us the little clues that help us tell Harry and Larry apart. - Source: WHY THINGS ARE & WHY THINGS AREN'T By Joel Achenbach (E-zine: MAILBITS.COM http://www.MailBits.com/Trivia) |