|Prior Date||Back to Archive Index||Next Date|
WITandWISDOM(tm) - December 8, 2000
There's always free cheese in a mousetrap. - Author Unknown
Source: Inspire, firstname.lastname@example.org via http://www.witandwisdom.org
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
After a few of the usual Sunday evening hymns, the church's pastor once again slowly stood up, walked over to the pulpit, and gave a very brief introduction of his childhood friend. With that, an elderly man stepped up to the pulpit to speak.
"A father his son, and a friend of his son were sailing off the Pacific Coast," he began, "when a fast approaching storm blocked any attempt to get back to shore. The waves were so high, that even though the father was an experienced sailor, he could not keep the boat upright, and the three were swept into the ocean."
The old man hesitated for a moment, making eye contact with two teenagers who were, for the first time since the service began, looking somewhat interested in his story. He continued, "Grabbing a rescue line, the father had to make the most excruciating decision of his life . . . to which boy he could throw the other end of the line. He only had seconds to make the decision. The father knew that his son was a Christian, and he also knew that his son's friend was not. The agony of his decision could not be matched by the torrent of waves."
"As the father yelled out, 'I love you, son!' he threw the line to his son's friend. By the time he pulled the friend back to the capsized boat, his son had disappeared beyond the raging swells into the black of night. His body was never recovered."
By this time, the two teenagers were sitting straighter in the pew, waiting for the next words to come out of the old man's mouth.
"The father," he continued, "knew his son would step into eternity with Jesus, and he could not bear the thought of his son's friend stepping into an eternity without Jesus. Therefore, he sacrificed his son. How great is the love of God that He should do the same for us."
With that, the old man turned and sat back down in his chair as silence filled the room. Within minutes after the service ended, the two teenagers were at the hold man's side.
"That was a nice story," politely started one of the boys, "but I don't think it was very realistic for a father to give up his son's life in hopes that the other boy would become a Christian."
"Well, you've got a point there," the old man replied, glancing down at his worn Bible. A big smile broadened his narrow face, and he once again looked up at the boys and said, "It sure isn't very realistic, is it? But I'm standing here today to tell you that that story gives me a glimpse of what it must have been like for God to give up His Son for me. You see . . . I was the son's friend."
Submitted by Renea Kappler, Sharon Hamel, Ginger McMurtry
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy When You're at Home
- Author Unknown
Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbors have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five.
Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the outside world. Have a neighbor bring you a Time, Newsweek, or Proceedings from five years ago to keep you abreast of current events.
Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information (ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc)
Wear only military uniforms. Even though nobody cares, clean and press one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes.
Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look bald.
Listen to your favorite CD 6 times a day for two weeks, then play music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to your favorite CD.
Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place some spoiled blue cheese under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks.
Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everything in three minutes. Use only spoons which hold a minimum of ½ cup at a time.
Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks.
Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to simulate collision injuries sustained onboard Navy ships.
Source: Funny-Bone www.funnybone.com/subscribe/
Submitted by John Hoh www.geocities.com/brandedhand/
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
A mother was complaining to her friend that her two young sons were constantly squabbling over the division of things around the house. "I'm at my wits end," she sighed.
"That's a simple problem," said her friend." Just appoint one of them to always do the dividing . . . and allow the other first choice."
Source: Bits & Pieces, April 30, 1992, Copyright (c) Economic Press, Inc., www.epinc.com via http://www.witandwisdom.org
In the Dutch city of Haarlem there is a statue honoring Hans Brinker, the quick-minded youth who saved his city from flooding by sticking his finger in a hole in the dike. The city put up the statue reluctantly, only after tourists kept looking for something marking the heroic deed and were upset not to find it.
The problem was that not only was Hans a fictional character, he wasn't even created by a Dutch writer. The story is American and first appeared in 1865 in the children's book, "Hans Brinker, or The Silver Skates," by Mary Mapes Dodge.
. . . and that's really the hole story.
From: Fabulous Fallacies
Source: MailBits.com Copyright (c) 1998-2000. All rights reserved. Triviaemail@example.com via http://www.witandwisdom.org