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WITandWISDOM(tm) - March 15, 2001 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Eric Segal Source: Keith's Mostly Clean Humor, McHawList- subscribe@yahoogroups.com ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the woods but he could never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back to dinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head, and killed it. He was shocked and grieved. In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile, only to see his sister watching. Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing. After lunch that day Grandma said, "Sally, let's wash the dishes." But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen." Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?" So Johnny did the dishes. Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper." But Sally just smiled and said, "Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help." She whispered again, "Remember the duck?" So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help. After several days of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's he finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said, "Sweetheart, I know. You see I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing. But because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you." By Richard Hoefler in his book "Will daylight Come?" (c)Copyright Submitted by Jay Graham, Phil Sarlo, Sharon Hamel ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: REASONS NOT TO EAT CARROTS :o) (A few orange and green ruminations about life, death and vegetables from the Miner Institute, Chazy, New York) Nearly all sick people have eaten carrots, Obviously, the effects are cumulative. An estimated 99.9 percent of all people who die from cancer have eaten carrots. Another 99.9 percent of people involved in auto accidents ate carrots within 60 days before the accident. Some 93.1 percent of juvenile delinquents come from homes where carrots are served frequently. Among the people born in 1839 who later dined on carrots, there has been a 100 percent mortality rate. All carrot eaters born between 1900 and 1910 have wrinkled skin, brittle bones, few teeth, and failing eyesight .. . if the perils of carrot consumption have not already caused their deaths. Source: The Funnies, andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' " "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there." Source: Kitty's Daily Mews, Copyright (c) 1997-2001 All rights reserved worldwide, mailto:kittysubs@katscratch.com?subject=Sub_KDM ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: NOTE: Yesterday's answers for the Girl Scout quiz were "below." Actually they were "way below," like off the page. :o) Now here are the answers to the Don't Know Much About(R)'s Girl Scout quiz. 1. True. 2.True. 3.True 4. False. While Thin Mints are the most popular cookie, they make-up closer to one-quarter of sales. ~~~~ GO FOR BROKE! Helsinki, Finland (AP): Dot-com millionaire Jaakko Rytsola has broken his own unofficial record with a $71,400 fine for speeding. In his regular newspaper column, Rytsola wrote that police pulled him over when he was doing about 40 mph in a 25 mph zone late on the night of Oct. 30. "The drag was nice and wide, and I felt good. It's great to drive when there's no one around," Rytsola wrote in an edition of the biweekly paper published Friday. Traffic fines in Finland are linked to an offender's income. The higher the income, the higher the fine, and there's no limit. In August, police stopped Rytsola in his Ferrari in downtown Helsinki and fined him $44,100 for zigzagging dangerously. He was not speeding, they said. Rytsola, 27, earned millions when his company Saunalahti.com was listed on the Helsinki Stock Exchange earlier this year. Police declined to comment. Source: WhiteBoard News for Friday, November 24, 2000, www.joeha.com/whiteboard Submitted by: Barbara Henry |