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WITandWISDOM(tm) - April 6, 2001 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. - Andy Rooney Source: Keith's Mostly Clean Humor, McHawList- subscribe@yahoogroups.com ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Part 2 of 2 [April 5, 6] To: Faithful, but Tired Soldier, Spiritual Armed Forces Location: The Battlefield SUBJECT: Transfer Dear Soldier: Your request for transfer has been denied. I herewith present My reasons: You are needed in this battle. I have selected you, and I will keep My Word to supply your need. You do not need a demotion and transfer. (You'd never cut it on latrine duty.) You need a period of "R and R" --Renewal and Rekindling. I am setting aside a place on the battlefield that is insulated from all sound and fully protected from the enemy. I will meet you there, and I will give you rest. I will remove your old equipment and "make all things new." You have been wounded in the battle, My soldier. Your wounds are not visible, but you have received grave internal injuries. You need to be healed. I will heal you. You have been weakened in the battle. You need to be strengthened. I will strengthen you and be your strength. I will instill in you confidence and ability. My Words will rekindle within you a renewed love, zeal and enthusiasm. Report to Me tattered and empty. I will refill you. Compassionately, Your Commander-in-Chief, Jesus Christ Submitted by Alice Bryan, Walt Groff ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: DEEP QUESTIONS ABOUT LIFE? Part 5 of 6 [2001: 1-15, 2-5, 2- 26, 3-16, 4-6, 4-26] Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"? Why is the word "abbreviate" so long? What is another word for "thesaurus"? When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is? Why do 'tug' boats push their barges? Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there? Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting? Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission? Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving? Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"? Submitted by Jackson Girl, Joshua, Cyn MacGregor, Wendell Calkins, Les Pourciau, John Stone ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: While stationed in Washington, D.C., this man used Arlington National Cemetery as a shortcut on his way to give a briefing at Fort Myer. To his surprise he encountered a roadblock manned by the military police. An MP approached him and said in a stern voice, "Are you supposed to be here?" Unsure of what to say, he replied, "Not yet." The MP held back a smile and waved him on. Source: Kitty's Daily Mews, Copyright (c) 1997-2001 All rights reserved worldwide, mailto:kittysubs@katscratch.com?subject=Sub_KDM ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: WACKY USES FOR COMMON PRODUCTS Sure you can take Alka-Seltzer for an upset stomach, but did you know you can use it to unclog drains, clean toilets, and polish jewelry? You can use Coca-Cola to remove rust from your car bumper or clean your car battery. Out of shaving cream? Try peanut butter instead. This Web site lists alternative uses for a myriad of common household items. http://www.wackyuses.com/uses.html Submitted by Sherri Rimmer |