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WITandWISDOM(tm) - December 10, 2001
You alone can do it, but you can't do it alone.
Source: Bits & Pieces: Home Delivery http://your.dailyinbox.com/bp/
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
WHERE DID BABY JESUS GO?
By Wayne Edwards, Copyright (c) Dec 1998
Someone stole Baby Jesus from the manger on the lawn.
When the preacher came to church, he found the baby gone.
He said with anger in his sermon that the baby had been taken.
His faith in human kind had certainly been shaken.
After church, still breathing flames, like a literary dragon,
He met Tommy on the sidewalk playing with a new red wagon.
Tommy was so happy it thawed the preacher's heart.
But what he saw inside the wagon gave him quite a start.
"It was you stole Baby Jesus, what an evil thing to do!"
Tommy said, "But Pastor, I thought everybody knew.
I asked Jesus for this wagon," as he patted it with pride.
I told him if I got it I would let him have first ride!
View more of Wayne's poems on the Web:
Source: The Funnies, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies
Subjects: Christmas, Thankfulness, Nativity
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
Top scientists were invited to a party, and this is how they replied (warning! only avid science students will understand every reference):
Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archimedes buoyant at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
Source: Monday Fodder firstname.lastname@example.org?subject=Subscribe_Monday_Fodder
Subjects: Puns, Language, Scientists
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
HYMN AND HERR
There is a man named Ted Herr and a woman named Mrs. He. They agreed to provide a musical number for a church service. When it was time for their song, the announcement was as follows: "Mr. Herr and Mrs. He will sing a Hymn."
The lesson from the story is this: A he can be a Herr. A He can be a her. A he plus a her can be a He. A he plus a her can be a Herr. But a he plus a her can not be a hymn.
By Richard Wimer, Copyright (c) 2001 by witandwisdom.org
Subjects: Puns, Music
When Robert B. Rowling bought the Omni Hotel chain, he ordered the pornographic magazines pulled from his hotels' gift shops and the pornographic films removed from the pay-per-view channels on the TVs in the hotel rooms. To do the latter, he had to switch movie-service providers and buy a new television for every room - some eighty-seven hundred sets!
The change cost Rowling $4 million, including lost revenue. But since the porn movies were yanked, occupancy has increased at the upscale hotels.
Source: Signs of the Times, Copyright (c) February 2001, Pacific Press, http://www.pacificpress.com/signs
Submitted by Dale Galusha