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WITandWISDOM(tm) - January 29, 2002 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Sympathy sees and says, "I'm sorry." Compassion sees and says, "I'll help." Source: Bits & Pieces: Home Delivery http://your.dailyinbox.com/bp/ Subjects: Sympathy, Compassion ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: ONCE UPON A PEW By Ken P. K. Alley Once upon a pew I sat and heard a preacher ask, "We need someone to teach a class, now who will take this task?" Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you." But, Lord, to stand before a class is one thing I can't do. Now Bill would be the man to call, there's nothing he won't do. I'd rather hear the lesson taught from here upon my pew. Once upon a pew I sat and heard a preacher ask, "We need someone to lead the songs, now who will take this task?" Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you." But Lord, to sing before a crowd is one thing I can't do. Now Brother King will do the job, there's nothing he won't do. I'd rather hear the music played from here upon my pew. Once upon a pew I sat and heard a preacher ask, "We need someone to keep the door, now who will take this task?" Then God sat down beside me there and said, "Son, that's for you." But, saying things to strangers Lord is one thing I can't do. Now Tom can talk to people, Lord, there's nothing he won't do. I'd rather someone come to me and greet me on my pew. As years just seemed to pass me by I heard that voice no more, Until one night I closed my eyes and woke on Heaven's shore. T'was four of us together there to face eternity, God said, "I need just three of you to do a job for me." "O Lord," I cried, "I'll do the job, there's nothing I won't do." But Jesus said, "I'm sorry friend, in Heaven there's no pew." Attributed to the book: "Once upon a Pew: More Fun Than Having the Preacher Over!: A Collection of True, Funny Things That Have Happened in Church...Numerous Quips, Pulpit Bloopers, Typos and . . .," By Alley, Ken P. K., Published by Hearth Pub (May 1, 1996), ISBN: 0964508508, http://isbn.nu/0964508508 Source: Monday Fodder mailto:dgaufaaa@iohk.com?subject=Subscribe_Monday_Fodder Subjects: Participating, Heaven ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: 1915 - RULES FOR TEACHERS 1. You will not marry during the term of your contract. 2. You are not to keep company with men. 3. You must be home between the hours of 8 p.m. and 6 a.m. unless attending a school function. 4. You may not loiter downtown in ice cream stores. 5. You may not travel beyond city limits unless you have the permission of the chairman of the board. 6. You may not ride in a carriage or automobile with any man unless he is your father or brother. 7. You may not smoke cigarettes. 8. You may not dress in bright colors. 9. You may under no circumstances dye your hair. 10. You must wear at least two petticoats. 11. Your dresses must not be any shorter than two inches above the ankle. 12. To keep the school room neat and clean, you must: sweep the floor at least once daily scrub the floor at least once a week with hot, soapy water clean the blackboards at least once a day start the fire at 7 a.m. so the room will be warm by 8 a.m. Old Sacramento Schoolhouse Museum Shared by Sebastian's Humor List Subjects: School, Teachers, Rules ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Rodney Lee about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Rodney Lee said, "I was just kidding, actually, we went to Ohio." Source: Bill's Punch Line, http://www.tcmr.com/billspunchline.html Subjects: Spelling, School ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: WORLD'S 1ST ARTIFICIAL EYEBALL Researchers at Tokyo University claimed to have succeeded in growing the world's first artificial eyeball. According to the leader of the team, biologist Makoto Asashima, some cells were removed from frog embryos, soaked in a special medium, then transplanted into a tadpole, whose left eye has been removed. A week later the researchers confirmed that the eyeball was connected to the optic nerves and there was no sign of it being rejected. Professor Asashima said the process could have applications for human beings and could lay the groundwork for providing treatments for the visually impaired. http://news.bbc.co.uk/low/english/sci/tech/newsid_1743000/1743987.st m Source: Nybble http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nybble Subjects: Medical Science, Blind |