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WITandWISDOM(tm) - March 27, 2002 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself." - Eleanor Roosevelt Source: Sunday Funnies and Thoughts e-mail list Subjects: Delegation ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Six humans trapped by happenstance in dark and bitter cold, each possessed a stick of wood, or so the story's told. Their dying fire in need of logs, the first woman held hers tight, for on one face around the fire was one for who she felt spite. The next man looking 'cross the way saw one not of his church, and couldn't bring himself to give the fire his stick of birch. The third one sat in tattered clothes; he gave his coat a hitch. Why should his log be put to use, to warm the idle rich? The rich man just sat back and thought of the wealth he had in store, and how to keep what he had earned from the lazy, shiftless poor. The next man's face bespoke his greed, as the fire passed from his sight, for what he saw in his stick of wood he would need the next night. And the last man of this forlorn group did naught except for gain: giving only to those who gave, was how he played the game. The logs held tight in death's stilled hands, were proof of human sin. They didn't die from the cold without, they died from the cold within. Author Unknown, Adapted by Richard Wimer Submitted by John L. Bechtel Subjects: Prejudice ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: Excerpts From "A Cat's Guide To Human Beings" 1. Why Do We Need Humans? So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: They Have Opposable Thumbs. Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train. 2. How And When to Get Your Human's Attention Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families or even sleeping. Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice. Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want: Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you. They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and small children. Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. 3. How Long Should You Keep Your Human? You are only obligated to your human for one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far. Source: Kitty's Daily Mews, Copyright (c) 1997-2002 All rights reserved worldwide, http://www.katscratch.com/ Subjects: Cats ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: When using a computer to make that "personal touch" things sometimes go wrong . . . The German Post Office sent to a man, going off to jail, a computer generated letter wishing him good luck in his new home. The letter read: "The post office wishes you a good move. You've made it - and now you have earned a rest so you can get used to your new surroundings.'' Source: Dave's Daily Chuckle, http://www.Daily-Chuckle.com Subjects: Mail, Prison ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: Where in the world does it rain the most? Anywhere I plan to have a picnic. Ok, rather than precipitate a crisis with my colleagues, I'll give you the conventional answer. It's on the island of Kauai in sunny (?) Hawaii. There, on the slippery slopes of Mt. Waialeale, you never have to get a forecast to know if you should take an umbrella. You should wear one all the time on your head because Waialeale gets an average 472 inches of rain a year. While we're into liquid data, note that the most rainfall in a 24-hour period anywhere was the 46 inches that fell on Bauio in the Philippines in 1911. The most in any place in a given year was the 905 inches that doused Cherrapunki, India in 1861. In other words, if a place is hard to spell or pronounce, plan to stay indoors. From: DO FISH DRINK WATER? By Bill McLain, Published by Harpercollins (P) Copyright (c) Nov 1, 2000, ISBN: 0688179088, http://isbn.nu/0688179088 Source: MailBits.com Trivia, Copyright (c) 1998-2001. All rights reserved. Http://MailBits.com/ Subjects: Rain |