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WITandWISDOM(tm) - May 8, 2002 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Ulcers are what you get from mountain climbing over molehills. Source: Dave's Daily Chuckle, http://www.Daily-Chuckle.com Subjects: Ulcers, Worry ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: In the midst of a famine of vast proportions Tolstoy came upon a beggar stretching out thin hands for help. Tolstoy reached deep into his pocket to find a coin, and the beggar's eyes lit up with hope. But alas, his own pockets were empty, and Tolstoy had to confess that he had no money. How to comfort the poor man in his need and disappointment? Sensitive to the man's hopes that he had to dash, Tolstoy took the beggar's hands in his own and said, "Do not be angry with me, brother. I have nothing to give thee." The beggar's face suddenly shone. "But you have called me bother. That is a great gift!" Latter that day Tolstoy saw the man again, and his face was still bright from the sensitive and caring word of the morning. By Sherman Stevens Newton Source: Signs of the Times, Copyright (c) June 1984, Pacific Press, http://www.pacificpress.com/signs Submitted by Dale Galusha Subjects: Beggars, Gifts, Kindness ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: BUSINESS LIKE LOVE LETTER Dearest Woman: I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 3rd of April 2001. With reference to the meeting held between us on the 31st of March 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective suitor. Our courtship would be on probation for a period of three months depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on-the-relationship training & relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from suitor to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us, later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter. If not this offer would be canceled without further notice. I will then be considering someone else. If you do not wish to take up this offer I would be happy if you could forward this letter to your sister, Thanking you in anticipation. Yours sincerely, [Man] ~~~~~~~ REPLY TO BUSINESS LIKE LOVE LETTER Dear Man: Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for courtship. However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards. Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP' I will be entertaining. In addition, housing and transportation allowances would be in order and nothing less than a luxury condo and a Jaguar are in order. Please note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective suitors have exhibited indications of interest. Please also note that my sister is happily employed. Yours perhaps, [Woman] Submitted by Cathy AU Subjects: Letters, Love, Proposals ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know, sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to have a special kind of memory to forget to eat. Source: A Joke a Day http://www.topica.com/lists/ajokeaday7 Subjects: Diet, Weight ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: AUTOMOTIVE MYTHS Part 1 of 4 [May 8, 15, 22, 29] Change Oil Every 3,000 Miles This belief is due to brilliant advertising from the quick-lube industry. In fact, no vehicle sold since the mid1960s has required such frequent oil changes. Manufacturers typically specify oil changes every 6,000 to 10,000 miles, with that interval increasing all the time. Most 2001 models have oil-change intervals of 10,000 miles. The reason? Electronic ignition, fuel injection, engine design, and clean fuels allow engines to run much longer without oil changes. Every owner's manual specifies oil type and change intervals, and no damage or excessive wear will occur if you follow those schedules. Source: Modern Maturity, ISSN 0026-8046, January- February 2001, http://www.modernmaturity.org/ Subjects: Automobiles |