| Prior Date | Archive Index | Next Date |
|
WITandWISDOM(tm) - October 30, 2002 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: The greatest object in the universe, says a certain philosopher, is a good man struggling with adversity; yet there is a still greater, which is the good man that comes to relieve it. - Oliver Goldsmith Source: Peter's Pearls, http://www.peterspearls.com.au ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Annika Winzeler lives in Schaffhausen, Switzerland, and has not been a Christian for long. She tells of the following event during her first days as a Christian: "Eighteen months ago, when God showed me that he really exists, I was going through a difficult time. I had just moved out from home, and was having trouble making ends meet. I often didn't know whether I would be able to eat. One day, I stood in the supermarket, hungry and wondering what I could afford for lunch. I emptied my purse into my hand to count my money - it wasn't much, about 1 Franc 30 (about 85 US cents, or 55 UK pence). I counted it again and again. That wouldn't buy me much for lunch. I wandered down the aisles, looking at what I would have liked for lunch - a bread roll, yoghurt, an apple and something to drink, in total about 2 Francs 10 ($1.50, or 90 pence). But maybe Jesus could help me, as he had helped others! I had read something about fish and bread, so asked Jesus for help: 'You fed so many people with only a little bread and a few fish. Couldn't you help me?' Nothing happened - no angel appeared to help me shop, and no voice from heaven telling me how I could fill my stomach. I was very disappointed. Could it be that I was mistaken, that Jesus didn't exist, wasn't alive? Was everything just my imagination? Then my life wouldn't change as I had thought it would. So I decided to buy my lunch with the 1 Franc 30 I had. I counted the money again, to be sure - but it was suddenly no longer 1 Franc 30, but exactly the amount I needed to buy what I wanted for lunch! The money had multiplied in my hand. I found it quite natural that Jesus did that for me, because he promised to care for us." Source: The Funnies, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: NEW WEIGHT LOSS DIET Over the years you may have noticed that most 2-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a cup of grapefruit juice and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, x-ray technicians, and distraught mothers, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive and offers great variety and sufficient quantity. ENJOY!! DAY 1: Breakfast- One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch- Four crayons (any color) a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk-3 sips, then spill the rest. Dinner- A dry toast off the floor from breakfast, 2 pennies, 4 sips of flat diet pop. Bedtime snack- Rest of toast a piece of bread, butter it, and toss it face down on the floor. DAY 2: Breakfast- Pick up stale bread from the floor and eat it. Drink ½ bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch- Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and one ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack- Lick an all day sucker until sticky, take it outside and drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until clean again, then bring inside and drop on living room carpet. Dinner- A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes, eat with spoon. DAY 3: Breakfast- 2 pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub fingers in hair to clean. Glass of milk, drink half, stuff excess pancakes in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from carpet, lick off fuzz until sticky again, then leave on cushion of your best chair. Lunch- Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several well-chewed bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk onto table, then slurp up, soak paper napkin in what's left and devour about half the wet paper. Dinner- Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, 1 sip of cold coffee. FINAL DAY: Breakfast- 1/4 tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bite of soap, one olive. Pour glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add ½ cup of sugar. Wait until cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog with your spoon. Lunch- Eat crumbs off the kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner- A plate of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Handful of cheese snacks, eat 2 and place the rest in bowling ball holes or any other convenient hiding place. You now have the general idea of the diet. Just be sure every meal is different and be creative. You will be amazed at what you can eat that won't kill you. Source: Monday Fodder mailto:dgaufaaa@iohk.com?subject=Subscribe_Monday_Fodder ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. - Doris Day Source: Quotation-Gazette http://www.quotationdepot.com/gazette/ ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: REDUCING TELEMARKETING MARKETING If you would like to reduce the amount of advertising phone calls you receive you can contact: National Do Not Call Registry https://www.donotcall.gov/ If you would like to have your name taken off all pre-approved credit solicitations, you can call 1.888.50PTOUT (1.888.567.8688) or write to the following credit reporting bureaus. Be sure to include your full name, current address, Social Security number and telephone number. Experian Consumer Services, 901 West Bond, Lincoln, NE 68521 Equifax, Inc. Options, P.O. Box 740241, Atlanta, GA 30374 Trans Union LLC's Name Removal Option, P.O. Box 97328, Jackson, MS 39288-7328 Source: Bank of America, Privacy Policy for Consumers, http://www.bankofamerica.com |