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WITandWISDOM(tm) - March 20, 2003 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Age 60: I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It could be the last time you see them. Source: The Complete Live and Learn and Pass It On, By Brown, H. Jackson, Published by Thomas Nelson (Mar 1, 1998), ISBN: 1558535829, http://isbn.nu/1558535829/ Submitted by Elisa Wimer ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: I was in church and sitting next to me was a dear friend who had recently moved back to our area. We were listening to the call for the children's offering. My friend turned to me with a smile of remembrance and shared with me this experience. "When my daughter was very small, with a dollar held tightly in her hand, she started to the front and was joined by a little boy trying to hold on to some coins. Suddenly he opened his hand, and the coins scattered out of his reach. Ashley took a quick look at the sad expression on his face, and much to the congregation's enjoyment, she tore her dollar bill in half, handing one half to him, and they both proudly placed their offering in the basket." What a sermon! By Bernice Asher, Naples, North Carolina Source: Adventist Review, ISSN 0161-1119, (c) October 17, 2002, http://www.adventistreview.org/ Submitted by Nancy Simpson ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: To: All staff, Los Alamos National Laboratory From: Bill Richardson, Secretary of Energy Dear staff members: Due to an unfortunate overreaction by the Republican Congress to our minor difficulties in the security area, we're being forced to tighten up just a bit. Effective Monday: 1. The brown paper bag in which we store the computer disk drives that contain the nation's nuclear secrets will no longer be left on the picnic table at the staff commissary during lunch hour. It will be stored in "the vault." I know this is an inconvenience to many of you, but it's a sad sign of the times. 2. The three-letter security code for accessing "the vault" will no longer be "B-O-B." To confuse would-be spies, that security code will be reversed. Please don't tell anybody. 3. Visiting scientists and graduate students from Libya, North Korea and mainland China will no longer be allowed to wander the hallways without proper identification. Beginning Monday, they will be required to wear a stick-on lapel tag that clearly states, "Hello, My Name Is . . . ." The stickers will be available at the front desk. 4. The computer network used for scientific calculations will no longer be hyper linked via the Internet to such Web sites as www.hackers-r-us.com. Links to all Disney sites will be maintained, however. 5. Researchers bearing a security clearance of Level 5 and higher will no longer be permitted to exchange updates on their work by posting advanced-physics formulas on the men's room walls. 6. On "Bowling Night," please check your briefcases and laptop computers at the front counter of the Bowl-a-Drome instead of leaving them in the cloakroom. Mr. Badonov, the front-counter supervisor, has promised to "keep un eye on zem" for us. 7. Staff members will no longer be allowed to take home small amounts of plutonium, iridium or uranium for use in those "little weekend projects around the house." That includes you parents who are helping the kids with their science fair projects. 8. Thermonuclear devices may no longer be checked out for "recreational use." We've not yet decided if exceptions will be made for Halloween, the Fourth of July or New Year's Eve. We'll keep you posted. 9. Employees may no longer "borrow" the AA batteries from the burglar alarm system to power their Game Boys and compact-disc players during working hours. 10. And, finally, when reporting for work each day, all employees must enter through the front door. Raoul, the janitor, will no longer admit employees who tap three times on the side door to avoid clocking in late. I know this crackdown might seem punitive and oppressive to many of you, but it is our sworn duty to protect the valuable national secrets that have been entrusted to our care. Remember: Security isn't a part-time job - it's an imperative and important one, all 37 ½ hours of the week! Sincerely, Bill Richardson Secretary of Energy United States of America Source: Laugh & Lift, http://www.premiumhealth.com/laughlift/ ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire hall. Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him. The fire chief asked little Joey, "What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?" Joey replied promptly, "I don't put them on." Source: Absolute Humor, http://absoluterobeo.com ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: Shaky Religious Faith If you're 55 or older and your religious faith is shaky when you get sick, you're up to 28 percent more likely to die than is a similar person with a strong faith, according to a recent medical study in the United States. This was the finding of researchers at Bowling Green State University and Duke University Medical Center from a study of 595 patients 55 and older who were hospitalized between January 1996 and March 1997. Approximately 95 percent of the patients identified themselves as Christians. The defining issue was whether their faith was strong or weak. Feelings of "being abandoned or punished by God," "believing the devil caused their illness," or "feeling abandoned by one's faith community" were identified as key factors in risk of death, says Dr. Harold G. Koenig, one of the authors of the study and an associate professor of psychiatry at Duke. Most people, when they become suddenly ill with a life-threatening disease, ask "why" or "why me," Koenig says. He says this is normal and that most people over time are able to reconnect with God or with their spiritual community. However, those who can't are in trouble, he says. By Mike Jones, Gresham, Oregon Source: Adventist Review, ISSN 0161-1119, (c) October 2001, http://www.adventistreview.org/ Submitted by Nancy Simpson |