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WITandWISDOM(tm) - October 15, 2003
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. - Lucille Ball
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
Airline Ranking Order
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound,
Is more powerful than a 757,
Is faster than a speeding bullet,
Walks on water,
Talks with God.
Leaps short buildings in a single bound,
Is as powerful as a commuter jet,
Is faster than a speeding hailstone,
Walks on water if the sea is calm,
Talks with God if special request is approved,
Senior Flight Attendant
Barely clears a picket fence,
Loses tug-of-war with a piper cub,
Can sometimes handle a flare-gun without inflicting self-injury,
Gives preflight welcome and lecture,
Talks with and serves first Class people.
Makes high skid marks on a wall when trying to leap buildings,
Is run over by a luggage cart,
Is not issued ammunition,
Serves snacks from cart,
Answers busy bell from the coach crowd.
Ground Crew, (Ramp rats)
Lifts buildings and walks under them,
Drags the biggest planes around the tarmac,
Catches speeding bullets with teeth,
Fuels wing tanks with a single hose,
The Ground Crew makes all the above jobs possible!
Adapted by Chaplain Moore
Source: Chapnotes, http://www.chaplainsnotes.org/
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the first hole of a busy golf course and I was beginning my pre shot routine, when a piercing voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. "Would the gentleman on the women's tee back up to the men's tee please!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me, but I was deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled "Would the man on the women's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!"
I finally stopped, looked back at the clubhouse, cupped my hands and shouted.... "Would the man in the clubhouse kindly be quiet and let me play my second shot!"
Submitted by Sherri Purdy
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
"Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now I have six children and no theories." - John Wilmot
Source: The Funnies, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies
"A silicon chip a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1949 ENIAC computer, which occupied a city block" - Karakul
For more about the ENIAC including pictures visit:
Source: Arizona Humor, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_humor/