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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 8, 2004
Never confuse speed with direction, or change with progress. - James Carville
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
Two soldiers who thought each other had died in a bloody Second World War battle 60 years ago have discovered they are next-door neighbours.
Gilbert Fogg, 80, thought there was something familiar about his neighbour when he moved into a new retirement bungalow in Nettleham, near Lincoln.
But he couldn't believe it when he discovered the man was Tom Parker, 82, reports the Daily Mirror.
Sixty years ago they had fought shoulder-to-shoulder in some of the bloodiest battles of the Second World War.
Last time they saw each other was in a trench at the infamous battle of Anzio in Italy. Both left that battlefield on stretchers, each assuming the other was dead.
Gilbert adds: "I asked my brother, who lives here, and he knew just that he was called Tom. He didn't know the surname. But I did. It was Tom Parker. My God, it was Tom Parker! I felt like someone had punched me.
"I asked him to come in and show me how the electrics in my house worked - but that was just an excuse. I wanted to see him up close, to be sure.
"When he was in my house I looked him in the eye and said: "Tom Parker, do you know who I am?" He looked at me and said: "No." I said: "Have you ever met anyone called Gilly?"
"Well, he staggered. He put his arm up to his face and he leant on the wall. He just said: "Oh Gilly, Gilly. I thought you were bloody dead".
"He stood like that for ever such a long time. Then we started talking, and once we started, we couldn't stop."
Source: Ananova http://www.ananova.com
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
I Need a Job . . .
"How did you lose your job at the dress shop?" a woman asked her friend.
"Well, after trying on about 25 dresses, the customer said to me, 'I think I'd look nicer in something flowing.'"
"How did that get you fired?" she asked
I suggested, "How about the Mississippi?"
Interviewer: "Do you think you can handle a variety of tasks?"
Applicant: "I should say so. I've had nine totally different jobs in the past five months."
The stern faced Personnel Officer told an applicant that they needed an individual who is totally responsible.
"I sure qualify then." replied the applicant. "Everywhere I've worked, whenever something went wrong, I was responsible."
Source: The Funnies, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
One Saturday morning at three
A cheese mongerís shop in Paris
Collapsed to the ground
With a thunderous sound
Leaving only a pile of de brie.
Source: Judy's Jokes for Sunday, mailto:JJs4Sundayemail@example.com
No kidding. California's Deep Springs College offers a two-year liberal arts education for free, provided students don't mind baling hay, milking cows and slaughtering hogs when they're not hitting the books. The school's 26 self-governing students (all male, average SAT 1500) come to this working cattle ranch and alfalfa farm for the starkly beautiful desert surroundings, the promise of improving body, mind and spirit, and for the opportunities.
After graduation, most Deep Springs alums make their way to top four-year schools like Harvard and Yale - where, we assume, the term "bull session" will have a whole new meaning.
Source: Reader's Digest, Copyright (c) May 2004, http://www.readersdigest.com/