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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 30, 2004
ISSN 1538-8794

~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS:

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. Henry Ford

Source: Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List


If I Had My Life To Live Over
By Erma Bombeck
(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer.)

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never and bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love yous".. more "I'm sorrys".. but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute.. look at it and really see it.. live it.. and never give it back.

~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:

Reference queries reported by American and Canadian library reference desk workers:

"Do you have books here?"

"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"

"Do you have a list of all the books I've ever read?"

"Where is the reference desk?" This was asked of a person sitting at a desk who had hanging above her head a large sign saying "REFERENCE DESK"!

"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"

"Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hair dryer?"

"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?"

"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?"

"I need a color photograph of George Washington
[Christopher Columbus, King Arthur, Moses, Socrates, etc.]"

"I need a photocopy of Booker T. Washington's birth certificate."

"I need to find out Ibid's first name for my bibliography."

"Why don't you have any books by Ibid? He's written a lot of important stuff."

"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck."

"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months."

From: Tina Gunther, Cataloging Technician, Biola University, La Mirada, Calif., USA

Source: Humor Digest


The pastor stood up for his sermon and the congregation couldn't help but notice several bandages on his face.

"Excuse me," says the pastor, "but this morning I was so deep in thought about my sermon that I cut myself shaving."

When the service had ended and the pastor was saying goodbye to everyone as they filed out the door, one old curmudgeon shakes the pastor's hand and says, "Next time think about shaving and cut the sermon."

Source: Joke For Your Day, mailto:baldmark@comcast.net?subject=Subscribe_Joke_For_Your_Day

~~~~~~~ TRIVIA:

Snail Mail

A Woman vacationing in Asbury Park, New Jersey, 37 years ago popped a postcard into the mail.

It just arrived at her motherís house in Pennsylvania.

The postcard was found behind a machine that was recently moved, said Ernesto Perry of the U.S. Post office undelivered mail unit in Brooklyn, N.Y.

Source: Peninsula Daily News, July 29, 2004, http://peninsuladailynews.com

WITandWISDOM™ ISSN 1538-8794 - Copyright © 1998-2004 by Richard G. Wimer - All Rights Reserved
Any questions, comments or suggestions may be sent to Richard G. Wimer.