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WITandWISDOM(tm) - August 3, 2004 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: It is not what we do that creates dignity, but HOW we do whatever we do that counts. - Booker T. Washington Source: The Funnies, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Clovis G. Choppell tells the story of an atheist in London who sought to make sport of a man with little education who was converted only a few years before. "Do you know anything about Jesus Christ?" he asked. "Yes, by the grace of God, I do," was the answer. "When was He born?" The man gave an incorrect answer. "How old was He when He died?" Again the answer was incorrect. Other questions were asked with the same result until the atheist said with a sneer, "See, you do not know so much about Jesus as you thought, do you?" "I know all too little," was the Christian's modest answer, "but I do know this: three years ago I was one of the worst drunkards in the east end of London. Three years ago my wife was a brokenhearted woman, and my children were as afraid of me as if I had been a wild beast. Today I have one of the happiest homes in London, and when I come home at the close of the day, my wife and children are glad to see me. Jesus Christ has done this for me. This I know." By H. M. S. Richards Source: Our Times, Copyright (c) January 1951, Pacific Press, http://www.signstimes.com ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: Telephone Answering Machine Messages I cant come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I’m at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I’m doing this NOW, while you’re listening to it LATER, except for you I guess its NOW, like, when you’re listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing. (Long pause, sound of phone dropping, sleepy voice:) Argh! (Pause.) Hello... (Sound of phone dropping, then a yawn.) Sorry man... I’m a bit tired at the moment... (Long yawn.) I’m going back to sleep now... Just going to switch the answering machine on... Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear? ... BEEP Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I cant answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. You’ve reached Mike and Nancy’s answering machine. They’re not home right now. At least, I don’t think they are. Hang on. (Voice moves away from recording microphone.) Mike? Nancy? (Voice comes back.) Nope, they’re not here, so at the beep... Hello, please send me email instead. I always never playback these stupid answering machine messages. Besides, I am probably online right now. This is Frank. You can leave me a message, but I must warn you I get annoyed with messages that are hard to read. So please use your shift key appropriately, avoid overdoing punctuation, and spell-check your message, or I might ignore it. OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions? Despite the best efforts of the telephone company, you really DID reach 555-1234. But that didn’t help much, did it? You still have to talk to a machine. Hello. If you’re calling with bad news, leave your message now. If its good news, wait for the tone. (Game show-announcer voice:) Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! (Cheers in background.) If you’d like to join the game, please leave your name and number at the beep, and we’ll try to reach you when you’re not around. And thanks once again for playing Phone Tag! You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone. Hello. Here are my answers to last weeks messages, in order of their arrival. Yes. Maybe. At seven. You’ll get it tomorrow. For sure. Get me that phone number. Thanks, I take my messages on Mondays. (Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411. It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A name and a number. So leave yours and I’ll return your call. Or I can send you a FAX. Nothing but the FAX, madam. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: After a particularly inspiring worship service, a church member greeted the pastor. "Reverend, that was a wonderful sermon. You should have it published." The pastor replied, "Actually, I'm planning to have all my sermons published posthumously." "Great!" enthused the church member. "The sooner the better!" Source: Bill's Punch Line, mailto:bills-punch-line-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: New Type of Ultra Sound If you've ever had a baby, you know how exciting it is to see the first ultrasound images. But it's a grainy picture and not easy to decipher. There is a new technology that not only shows the images in 3-D but it also records movement in real time. You can check out the video here at the BBC's Web site. It shows a baby in the womb "playing" by jumping about as if on a trampoline. To visit this site, go here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3846525.stm Copyright 2004, The Kim Komando Show. All rights reserved. Kim Komando's Cool Site of the Day http://www.komando.com/newsletter.asp |