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WITandWISDOM(tm) - October 27, 2004
"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." - Mark Twain
Steve Goodier is the editor of The Life Support System, a motivational e-newsletter delivered daily to 85,000 subscribers in over 100 nations. His inspirational newsletter and books are available through his website at http://www.lifesupportsystem.com
Source: Life Support System, mailto:LifeSupportemail@example.com
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
I see a little girl skipping home from school in the late afternoon sun. Her dress is a hand-me-down intended for someone two sizes larger. Her shoes are unpolished, and her socks no longer have elastic around the top. She crosses a barren yard to reach her destination - a small house badly in need of paint and repair.
The walls inside the home are patched with brown butcher paper and paint to conceal where the little girl's father punched holes with his fist. The father frequently stumbles home in the middle of the night, smelling of alcohol, then wakes the little girl with shouts and threats against her mother. Sometimes the little girl hides from her father.
One day the little girl is driven home from a friends birthday party. She asks to be let out in front of a clean house with a well-manicured lawn. She marches up the driveway and waves good-bye to her friends - but as soon as the car rounds the corner, she turns and walks several blocks to her real home. She's learned to hide her disgrace from others; on the inside, however, she feels ashamed, depressed, and worthless.
God, however, blesses the little girl. Her mother's wisdom and love sustain her. "The mother insists that she attend church, where the little girl learns about Jesus and invites Him into her heart and life. When the little girl grows up and goes to college, she falls in love with a man who promises to do his best to make her happy and build her up under Gods direction. And he does.
This story is deeply familiar to me because I was that little girl. Children who grow up in homes where they are loved and appreciated, where discipline and accountability are properly balanced with democracy and openness, develop a healthy sense of self-worth that usually carries into adulthood. But those of us who didn't experience this kind of childhood may need an extra dose of understanding from our marital partner. No matter what your spouse’s background is, I pray you’ll provide that support for the little boy or girl you’re married to.
Source: Night Light: A Devotional for Couples, By Dobson, James C.; Dobson, Shirley Published by Multnomah Pub (September 1, 2000), ISBN: 1576736741, http://isbn.nu/1576736741
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
A friend of a friend purchased a tazer for his wife for protection. What follows is his description of what happened when he tried it on himself to make sure it worked! His account begins:
My wife Toni is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my drink and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a LifeTime movie in the near future. Here goes.
Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for Toni. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck whimp.
If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out - way too cool! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed.
Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arc between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arc of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not Gracie) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to Toni to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no way!" Yes way - trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the fun of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight - always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that?)
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button. !!!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, chest on fire, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Gracie was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"
(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both chest were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.
Source: Quotes of the Day, mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org?subject=Subscribe_Quotes_of_the_Day
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.
Source: Judy's Jokes for Sunday, mailto:JJs4Sundayemail@example.com
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