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WITandWISDOM(tm) - March 7, 2005 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "Looking back, we see with great clarity, and what once appeared as difficulties now reveal themselves as blessings." - Dan Millman Source: Quotes of the Day, mailto:rheamo@centurytel.net?subject=Subscribe_Quotes_of_the_Day ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: “Rent A Kid," the flyer in the church bulletin read. Of course I wanted to help the youth of our church raise money for a mission trip, but I didn't need any baby-sitting, house cleaning, or yard work. Still, I was pleased that the teens wanted to earn their way. After mulling over ideas, I called Amber—a charming 16-year-old I'd like to claim as my granddaughter. "Amber, I don't need any jobs done," I said, "but if I sent you a check for a hundred dollars, would you like to work it out by doing charitable acts for people who can't afford to pay?" "Yes," she bubbled with excitement. "I'll get started on that right away." When Amber asked how much work she should do, I decided to leave it entirely up to her, but I requested that she give me a report of her activities. Even though I expected the conscientious girl to deliver even more than my money's worth, I was amazed at how far she went beyond the second mile. On three occasions Amber assisted a family of five from our church. The father is a paraplegic with other serious health problems. Amber's help with baby-sitting and house cleaning gave the working mother a welcome reprieve from her responsibilities of running the household. Even after an 11-hour stint, Amber said, "Some of the hours seemed to crawl, but when I finished, I still felt good and the couple was so very thankful." By Esther Bailey, Phoenix, Arizona Source: Signs of the Times, Copyright (c) August 2004, Pacific Press, http://www.signstimes.com ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: You can't read these and stay in a bad mood! How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroids. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile! Submitted by Pastor John L. Bechtel, http://www.tagnet.org/fremont/ ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River." Submitted by Orvie Jensen ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: 100-Year-Old Streaks By World Record Cape Town, South Africa — It took him two tries, but South African Philip Rabinowitz made it into the Guinness Book of World Records . . . as the fastest 100-year-old to run 100 meters. Rabinowitz made his run at the Green Point stadium in 30.86 seconds, beating the previous record of 36.1 seconds. Last week, Rabinowitz also broke the record, clocking 28.7 seconds at the Mandela Park Athletics stadium in Khayelitsha, outside Cape Town. But a power outage stopped the official electronic clock, so the time was not recorded or recognized. But the man known as "Rabinoblitz" and "Flying Phil" was not deterred, and this week he returned for a second try. Source: Peninsula Daily News, July 11, 2004, http://peninsuladailynews.com