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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 11, 2007
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
Submitted by Lorraine
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
Fred Hollomon, chaplain of the Kansas Senate, delivered an invocation that drew sympathetic nods.
His session-opening prayer:
“Help us to know who is telling the truth. One side tells us one thing, and the other, just the opposite.
“And if neither side is telling the truth, we would like to know that too.
“And if each side is telling half the truth, give us the wisdom to put the right halves together.
“In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Source: These Times, Copyright (c) June 1979, Pacific Press, http://www.signstimes.com
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
Part 2 of 3 [July 3, 11, 19 - 2007]
A tool used to make hoses too short.
Hydraulic Floor Jack:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. It works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub when you are trying to remove a bearing race.
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
Radial Arm Saw:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare novices into choosing another line of work.
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
Source: Monday Fodder by Dave Aufrance, Missionary in Hongkong
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend. He drove the car around the block, listened carefully, then told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.
At the shop I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves."
As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard, "Lady says it makes a funny noise."
Submitted by Ken
A lighter touch can increase business success in the most serious of matters, such as collections. In 1992, when the country was mired in a recession, I met a man on a cross-country flight who was the head of a collection agency. I listened to his tales of woe and frustration over the pile of outstanding accounts.
I asked him if he could show me a copy of the letter, his company sends out for collection. It was typically heavy-handed in substance. I suggested he try forwarding letters with funny relevant quotes or cartoons.
He thought I was crazy, and I wasn't so sure if I was or not, but we had plenty of flight time left so we brainstormed a few ideas. As we parted company
I doubted he would use any of them, but three months later, I received a surprise call from him, and he was excited. He used some of the quotes and cartoons; collections increased by 15%!
Source: Chapnotes, mailto:email@example.com?Subject=Subscribe