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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 24, 2007 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else" - Charles Dickens Source: Monday Fodder by Dave Aufrance, Missionary in Hongkong mailto:daveaufrance@gmail.com?Subject=Subscribe_Monday_Fodder http://www.fishermansnet.com/monday-fodder/ ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Back in the days of the sailing vessels, Captain Dee from Liverpool commanded a ship sailing to New York. On one voyage his family went with him. During the night when all were asleep, a sudden squall arose and struck the vessel, instantly throwing her over on her side. Everything inside tumbled and crashed about. The passengers awoke in great fear and in imminent peril. Everyone on board was alarmed. Some sprang from their berths and began to dress so that they might be ready for the worst. Captain Dee had a little daughter on board, just eight years old. She, of course, awoke with the rest. “What is the matter?” the frightened child cried. They told her that a storm had struck the ship. “Is father on deck?” she asked. “Yes, father is on deck.” Then the little thing just dropped back on her pillow and, without a fear, in a few moments was sleeping soundly again in spite of wind and wave. Father was on deck. So, friend, never forget that our Father is on deck. Whatever the storm of life or the storms of this world may bring, God is in charge. By H. M. S. Richards Source: These Times, Copyright (c) January 1955, Pacific Press, http://www.signstimes.com ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: You Don't Ever Want To Hear Any Of These! Part 1 of 2 [July 24 & 31] From your family doctor: "Well, do you want to first hear the bad news or the worst news?" From your dentist: "Hey, this is great... my first quadruple root canal! And, in a year, we're looking at upper and lower dentures!" From your optometrist: "Just between you and me, the lenses are only 50 bucks. But, we get you on the 350 bucks for the currently-in-style frames! Not bad, huh!" From your home contractor: "Look...it's very simple. We can get your house back to normal for 50,000 bucks, or, tear down the disaster and build a new house. You know the lot's worth a half million bucks, so the house will cost you peanuts!" From your auto dealer: "Oh, I'm terribly sorry... your 100,000 mile warranty ran out five days ago. I'm afraid you may now have a "Junker" on your hands. Tough luck, huh?" From your auto garage: "Just what I thought... engine's gone, transmission is shot, and the under chassis is corroded everywhere. I can fix it all for only five grand. What do ya say? Not a bad deal. Right?!" From your psychotherapist: "You're basically all screwed up. Were your parents bizarre? I'm afraid we're looking at three years of weekly therapy sessions. We can start today with your trying to understand your cat." From a car dealer's hot shot salesperson: "Hey bud, this is your lucky day and this baby you're lookin' at is LOADED! And, I can ask my boss to get you 35% off sticker. Can't beat that anywhere in town!" From your hair stylist: "Oh, there I go again! I gave you a really short crew cut and you only asked for a trim. C'mon, laugh! Hah! Don't worry honey! That hair will be back in only 4 months. Now, you feel better. Right?" To be continued . . . July 31. Submitted by Natowsky ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: While driving on the highway, my daughter noticed a child in the window of a car in the next lane, holding up a handwritten sign that read "Help." A few minutes later, the car passed her and she again glanced at it. The little boy held up the same sign and this time followed it with another, which read "My mother is singing!" Submitted by Betsy ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: There were four clergymen discussing the merits of the various translations of the Bible. One liked the King James Version because of its simple, beautiful English. Another liked the American Revised Version best because it is more literal and came nearer to the original Hebrew and Greek. Another liked Moffat's translation because of its up-to-date vocabulary. The fourth minister was silent. When asked to express his opinion, he replied, "I like my mother's translation best." The other three expressed surprise. They did not know that his mother had translated the Bible. But he assured them, "She translated it into life, every day of her life, and it was the most convincing translation I ever saw." Source: Chapnotes, mailto:xanmansa@chapnotes.org?Subject=Subscribe