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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 31, 2007 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? – from “A Course in Miracles” ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Rulon Gardner keeps defying the odds. Earlier this year he survived a plane crash in Utah. He swam for more than an hour in 44-degree water before reaching shore and then spent the night without shelter. In February 2002, he had a snowmobile accident. After falling in a Wyoming lake, Gardner was stranded for 17 hours in temperatures of 25 degrees below zero Fahrenheit. In March 2004, Gardner, who wasn't wearing a helmet, suffered cuts and bruises after he was tossed of this motorcycle. Perhaps Gardner's greatest feat of defying the odds came on September 27,2000. That's when the "Miracle on the Mat" happened. He pocketed a gold medal after defeating the world's greatest wrestler of all time, Russian Alexandre Karelin, at the Olympic Games in Sydney, Australia. Mind you, this Russian had never lost in international competition. He'd never even been scored on in 10 years! He pummeled opponents despite broken ribs, torn muscles and opposing coaches who would spend years designing strategies just to beat him. Karelin was considered the most intimidating athlete in Olympic history, so feared by opponents that two prior finalists essentially quit on the mat rather than keep absorbing the pounding. And, according to legend, the Russian once carried a refrigerator home from the store and up seven flights of stairs. So no one expected the American to win. In fact, the International Olympic Committee chairman even showed up at the match in order to present the Russian his fourth gold medal—the medal he wouldn't get. After the historic match, reporters swarmed around Gardner, "When did you think you could beat him?" they asked. "When did I think I could beat him? About 10 minutes ago," Gardner replied. "I kept saying, I think I can. I think I can.' But it wasn't until it was over that I knew I could." Turns out that Gardner used a simple strategy to counter Karelin's dreaded lifts and relentless pressure. He said he approached the match with only two things on his mind: to stay focused and hang on. And for nine excruciating minutes, that's exactly what he did. By Karl Haffner ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: You Don't Ever Want To Hear Any Of These! Part 2 of 2 [July 24 & 31] Computer Dating/Matching Service: "We're sorry. We're returning your $100 membership fee. We scanned our 275,000 female members three times and could not find any match. Please accept our apologies. Perhaps, another dating service will serve your needs better. Have a wonderful life!" At the movies: "You just missed the last two tickets, but if you're both night owls, our next showing is at 12:30 AM and you'll probably have the theater all to yourselves! So, nobody can block your view!" From your health department: "This is an automated call. Your credit card shows you ate at Mabel's Home Cooking yesterday. Please go to an emergency center, or, better yet, a trauma center at a hospital, and, as soon as possible. You may have contracted Mungofilio's Disease. Please note that without prompt medical attention, you may be dead within 12-15 hours of this call. Have a nice day!" From your termite inspection service: "Yup, dem termites got you bad. My advice...tear down this house of holes and sell the 'exotic, light, porous wood.' Then, build another house or move. Just remember, at Quickie Mickey's Exterminators, we give you the news fast, whether it's good or bad!" From your favorite ice cream shop: "Sorry folks...only half-melted vanilla today. Our freezers conked out. We did salvage the vanilla, though. Hey, where are you going?! (Yelling) It still tastes good!" From your watch repair shop: "Well, the battery's got 2 more years on it. But that $700 Swiss piece of junk watch needs to go into the trash. Here! At least, save the battery!" From your shoe repair place: "Like I told you; the repair to put on new heels and soles...they're a single unit, is 95 bucks plus tax. I don't care if you paid 80 for the shoes. Do you want me to repair them or what? What? Don't you talk? Hey, don't leave! I'll knock off 5 bucks! Submitted by Natowsky ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: To confirm her suspicions, my sister needed to purchase a pregnancy test kit. Since I was going to the pharmacy, she asked me to pick one up. I didn't stop to think how I appeared to the clerk when I waddled up nine months pregnant to pay for the kit. "Honey," she said, "I can save you $15 right now. You're definitely going to have a baby." Submitted by B. B. ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: A Welsh school teacher has five sets of twins among her 20 pupils. All live within a mile of each other and were born in the same six months, reports the Daily Mirror. Three pairs of twins are identical causing teacher Fran Thomas a real headache in her Flying Start nursery group at Pembroke Dock Community School in West Wales.. She said: "There must be something in the water. I've never heard of five sets of twins in a class. "It was quite a shock when they first arrived for school. It was like we were seeing double." The twins are Mavis and Ollie Harwood, two; Finlay and Charlie Jones, three; Callum and Damian Bugby, two; Kai and Callum Blackhouse, three on Friday; and Rebekah and Teagan Wheatley, three. The odds against finding so many twins in the same class are sky high. For every 100 pregnancies only three result in multiple births for mums aged 25 to 29, five for those 35 to 39. Source: Ananova (06-20-07) http://www.ananova.com For more on the story and a picture of the twins visit: http://tinyurl.com/3yorh2