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WITandWISDOM(tm) - September 13, 2007 ISSN 1538-8794 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "The human race is divided into two classes - those who go ahead and do something, and those who sit still and inquire, 'Why wasn't it done the other way?'" - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. Source: Weekend Encounter, by Dick Innes, Copyright (c) ACTS International, 2007, http://www.actsweb.org/subscribe.php ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Several years ago at a passion play, an incident took place during the scene where Jesus was carrying the cross. A man in the audience was heckling the character playing Jesus, throwing out jeers, taunts and dares. Finally the character could no longer tolerate the heckler; he dropped the cross and went over and punched out the man. The director was aghast, and after the play pulled the actor aside and told him in no uncertain terms he was ever to do that again. But the next night the same heckler was back and again did the same thing; this time, Jesus had to be restrained. The director called the actor in and gave him an ultimatum of either quitting or keeping his composure. The young actor assured the director he would keep himself under control. The third night, the heckler was present again and taunted even more strongly than the two previous nights. The man playing Jesus rose to his full stature, gritted his teeth and told the heckler, "I’ll see you right after the resurrection." It is interesting how some people interpret differently, “What would Jesus do?” Source: SermonCentral Weekly Newsletter, http://www.sermoncentral.com/newsletter_subscribe.asp ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: It's time once again for the annual awards in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, in which writers vie to create the worst first sentence of an imaginary novel. Sponsored by San Jose State University, the contest began in 1982 and is celebrating their Silver Anniversary this year. Some of the entries are as follows: "I'd been tailing this guy for over an hour while he tried every trick in the book to lose me: going down side streets, doubling back, suddenly veering in to shop doorways, jumping out again, crossing the street, looking for somewhere to make the drop, and I was going to be there when he did it because his disguise as a postman didn't have me fooled for a minute." "The highway coiled up and around the mountain like a snake ready to strike because it was being harassed by one of those annoying guys on 'Animal Planet.' " "Her hair was the color of old copper, not green with white streaks like you see on roofs and statues where birds have been messing, but the kind you find on dark pennies from back in the nineteen-forties or fifties after who knows how many thumbs have been rubbing Abe Lincoln's beard." "There was a pregnant pause -- as pregnant as Judith had just told Darren she was (about seven and a half weeks along), which was why there was a pause in the first place." "A rather youthful Billy Joel was fascinated when he entered the Green Room at the Tonight Show and saw a group of matronly nuns hastily applying hair coloring to the noggin of the show's next guest, Neil Young, whose agent offered an explanation from the corner of the room: 'Only the good dye Young.' " "The easy and comforting roll of the saddle was second nature to Luke, and as he gazed off into the distant setting sun, he wondered whether he had enough change for one more ride before he had to return home from the supermarket." "Miles Otterman thought he could get away with carving his initials on the old oak tree in the town square -- and he just might have if Sheriff Mitchell hadn't recognized his MO." Selected from the 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Contest, http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/ by Mark Raymond Source: Mark Mail, http://mrhumor.net/ ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: For years I had been telling my friend, Pete, that he ate too much fast food but he always denied it. One day, however, he admitted I was right. "What changed your mind?" I asked him. "My grandson." he replied. "When my daughter told him I was coming to visit, he asked, 'Grandpa from Florida or Grandpa from Pizza Hut?'" Submitted by B. B. ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large business. That was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't happy there. He wanted to go in business for himself. He saved his money and finally had enough that he could quit and start his own business. About two years later, I was on vacation and was going through the town where his business was located. I stopped by for a visit. "Hey John, I heard that the first year is the hardest for a new business." "Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have to work half a day." "Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going into business for myself." "Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work." Source: Clean Laffs, http://www.cleanlaffs.com/