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WIT & WISDOM - January 8, 1999
"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have really lived are the moments when you have done things in a spirit of love." - Author Unknown 
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
I ASKED GOD . . .
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for -
but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men, most richly blessed
- Anonymous Confederate Soldier 
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
Here's a collection of classic slips of the #2 pencil
by our best and brightest young students: Part 2 of 2
Columbus was a great navigator who cursed about the Atlantic.
Magna Carta said that the King was not to order taxis without the consent of Parliament.
Pompeii was once completely buried in larva.
Martin Luther was nailed to a church door after selling the Pope's privileges. He did after he was communicated by a bull.
Many of the Indian heroes were killed, which proved fatal to them.
The king had a wonderful funeral. It took eight men to carry the beer.
Queen Elizabeth rode through Coventry with nothing on and Raleigh offered her his cloak.
Socrates died of an overdose of wedlock.
Joshua led the Hebrews to their victory in the battle of Geritol.
Queen Victoria was the longest queen who ever sat on a throne.
It's best not to cross horses in the middle of the stream.
On Washington's trip across the Delaware two men were frozen to death, but they reached the other side safely.
Each state is permitted to send two centaurs to Congress.
There are four symptoms of a cold. Two I forgot, and the other two are too well known to mention.
The doctor had to abandon his code of ethnics. 
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
"Don't Cut through the Wheat Field Granny,
You're Going Against the Grain."
"If you can't get an upper berth in Hawaii,
you can always get aloha."
"If you were the only girl in the world,
you would probably be my sister."
"It's better to have loved a short girl,
than never to have loved a tall."
"Every time we throw a party,
she beats me to the punch." 
The National Institute of Health recommends that most people consume 1,000 milligrams of calcium a day, but women over 50, men over 65, pregnant and nursing women, and teen-agers may need as much as 1,500 milligrams. Here are some ways to eat your way to 1,000 milligrams; it's best to get your calcium from a variety of sources. Some people may also want to consider supplements.
3 1/2 cups of calcium-fortified Orange Juice
3 1/2 cups of nonfat milk
6 2/3 slices of fat-free "American" cheese
2 4/5 cups of cooked collard greens
5 2/3 tbsp. of blackstrap molasses
Sources: Esha Research 
 (Daily Encounter
 (Mary Latela)
 (David and Barbara Vick via Mikey's Funnies
 (Bill's Punch Line
 (Consumer Reports, August 1998)