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~~~~~~~ WIT and WISDOM - March 3, 1999
"Do not start today, with the broken pieces of Yesterday."
(E-zine: THE FUNNIES Mailto:Andychap@aol.com)
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
I couldn't take it anymore. Even though I didn't have a job to go to and the church would probably close down, I decided to resign. I had reached the end.
The next day at church I was surprised by the grace of God. Several church leaders had planned a Clergy Appreciation Sunday. They gave us gifts, meals for a week, performed special songs and shared testimonies as to how God had used us in their lives. Then they prayed for us. From that moment, the worst was over. We stayed. - a Wisconsin pastor, Focus on the Family
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
A HOME MECHANIC'S TOOL GUIDE - Part 2 or 2 (Part 1, 2- 23)
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
(E-zine: TERESA'S JOKERS http://www.eGroups.com/list/jo- jokers/)
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole.
"Are you a pole vaulter?"
"No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"
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