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~~~~~~~ WIT and WISDOM - March 8, 1999
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something - Wilson Miner
(E-zine: HEADSCRAPS™ Mailto:email@example.com)
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
It was a sunny Saturday afternoon in Oklahoma City. My friend and proud father Bobby Lewis was taking his two little boys to play miniature golf. He walked up to the fellow at the ticket counter and said, "How much is it to get in?"
The young man replied, "$3.00 for you and $3.00 for any kid who is older than six. We let them in free if they are six or younger. How old are they?"
Bobby replied, "The lawyer's three and the doctor is seven, so I guess I owe you $6.00."
The man at the ticket counter said, "Hey, Mister, did you just win the lottery or something? You could have saved yourself three bucks. You could have told me that the older one was six; I wouldn't have known the difference." Bobby replied, "Yes, that may be true, but the kids would have known the difference."
By Patricia Frappe, from Chicken Soup for the Soul, Copyright 1993 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
(E-zine: CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL http://www.soupserver.com/)
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
The best of MIXED UP METAPHORS: Part 1 of 2 (Part 2, 3-18-99)
(Illustrations to help those teaching English)
By Richard Lederer from his book "Anguished English"
I wouldn't be caught dead in that movie with a ten-foot pole.
The sacred cows have come home to roost with a vengeance.
Milwaukee is the golden egg that the rest of the state wants to milk.
She'll get it by hook or ladder.
The bankers' pockets are bulging with the sweat of the honest working man.
That's a very hard blow to swallow.
The slowdown is accelerating.
That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.
When we get to that bridge, we'll jump.
Don't sit there like a sore thumb.
Everyone whose ox has been gored is going to be squealing.
It's time to swallow the bullet.
It's time to grab the bull by the tail and look it in the eye.
The budget deficit is an albatross we carry on our back.
The sword of Damocles is hanging over Pandora's Box.
It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake.
(E- zine: THE FUNNIES Mailto:Andychap@aol.com)
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
THINGS TO PONDER LATE AT NIGHT:
Did Noah include termites on the ark?
How could you be a good Jewish boy with a name like Ham?
Why is the practice called "fasting" when time passes so slowly when you're doing it?
What does an atheist do when he drives up behind a car with a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker and that car doesn't move when the traffic light turns green?
(Cathy Roe via E-zine: MONDAY FODDER Mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org)
Why was the Eiffel Tower built? . . . Many famous structures have an obvious purpose, from protecting a city to honoring a deity, but the point of the Tower is not as well known. It has been home to restaurants and science labs, and even once held an apartment for its designer, but none of these are the reason it was built.
The history of this famous monument can be traced back to the time-honored tradition of showing off. The planners of the 1889 Paris Exposition wanted to highlight the superiority of French engineering by building the first thousand-foot tower. Luckily Gustav Eiffel won the contract, or we might now be associating the city of romance with a monument in the shape of a guillotine, or one that had a huge sprinkler to water the city during dry periods. Both of these questionable designs were losing entries in the contest. - Source: DID MOHAWKS WEAR MOHAWKS? By Bruce Tindal and Mark Watson
(E-zine: MAILBITS.COM http://www.MailBits.com/Trivia)