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~~~~~~~ WITANDWISDOM™ - April 20, 1999

~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS:

Failures don't plan to fail. Most of them just fail to plan. - Bits & Pieces, February 4, 1993

(Magazine: BITS & PIECES http://www.epinc.com/)



It is said that the Christian who begins to tithe will have at least seven surprises:

At the amount of money he has for the Lord's work;

At the deepening of his own spiritual life;

At the ease with which one meets his own obligations;

At the pleasure found in larger giving;

At the satisfaction in the practice of stewardship in time, talents, and possessions;

At himself for not adopting the plan sooner;

At his new appreciation of the goodness of God.

Signs of the Times, April 22, 1930

(Dale Galusha )

~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:


"Filthy Stinking Rich. . . Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"

"I Used Up All My Sick Days. . . So I Called In Dead"

"Husband and Cat Lost. . . Reward for Cat"

"Husbands Should Come With Instructions"

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt"

"If God Had Wanted Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees"

"If You Can Read This. . . Kiss A Teacher"

"A Nest Isn't Empty Until All Their Stuff Is Out of the Attic"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!"

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"If You Remember the '60s, You Weren't Really There"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

(E-zine: THE FUNNIES Mailto:Andychap@aol.com)


As a real-estate agent, I was showing several homes to a young couple with a toddler. We went over the houses thoroughly, examining each room and opening every closet and cabinet.

The toddler followed her parents quietly until we arrived at the final home of the day. Pulling a pacifier from her mouth, the child asked in exasperation, "What are we looking for?"

(Karen Schlabach via E- zine: KEITH'S MOSTLY CLEAN HUMOR Mailto:KSullivan@worldnet.att.net)

~~~~~~~ TRIVIA:

OPTIONAL ACCESSORY II: "Normally accidents like this shouldn't happen," reasoned a Caputh, Germany, police spokesman. A motorist following driving instructions on the satellite navigation computer in his BMW drove down a ferry ramp into the Havel River, he said, without realizing the only way he could cross the river was to wait for the ferry. The 57-year-old driver was not injured. "This sort of thing can happen when people rely too much on technology," the police spokesman said. (Reuters) . . .Leading to a required label, "Warning: User still must watch out window when driving."

(E-zine: JOKES4U http://jokes4u.com/)

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