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WITandWISDOM(tm) - September 28, 1999

~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS:

There is nothing so strong or safe, in any emergency of life, as simple truth. - Charles Dickens

(E-zine: QUOTE A DAY Mailto:quoteaday- subscribe@listbot.com)


Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.

Today I can feel sad that I don't have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.

Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.

Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.

Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.

Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can feel honored because the Lord has provided shelter for my mind, body and soul.

Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping. What today will be like is up to me.

I get to choose what kind of day I will have! Have a GREAT DAY . . . unless you have other plans.

"This is the day the Lord hath made. We will rejoice and be glad in it!"

- Author Unknown

(Tom Young, Beverly)

~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:

BASIC GUIDE FOR SCIENTISTS (Part 2 of 2) [Pt 1, 9- 17]

IV. Famous Axioms, Theorems, Corollaries and Laws (The wisdom of the giants of science distilled and condensed for your edification)

1. Patrick's Theorem: If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
2. Skinner's Constant: That quantity which when added to, subtracted from, divided into, or multiplied times the answer you got gives the correct answer.
3. Allen's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
4. Gumperson's Law: The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
5. Compensation Corollary: An experiment may be considered successful if no more than half of the data must be discarded to obtain agreement with your theory.
6. Carlson's Consolation: No experiment is ever a complete failure. It can always be used as a bad example.
7. The Law of the Too Solid Goof: In any collection of data the figure that is most obviously correct beyond all need of checking is the mistake.
8. The Spare Parts Principle: The accessibility during recovery of small parts which fell from the work bench varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.
9. The Oredring Principle: Those supplies necessary for yesterday's experiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon.
10. Flagle's Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects: Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.
11. The Ultimate Principle: By definition when you are investigating the unknown you do not know what you will find.

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Morty was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.

He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"

(Andi Vaught via E-zine: BILL'S PUNCH LINE Mailto:bills-punch-line- subscribe@onelist.com)

~~~~~~~ TRIVIA:

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