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WITandWISDOM(tm) - December 6, 1999
"I have learned silence from the talkative; tolerance from the intolerant and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungrateful to those teachers." - Kahlil Gibran
(E-zine: AMERICA'S QUOTE Mailto:subscribe- firstname.lastname@example.org)
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
YOU WILL NEVER BE SORRY. . .
. . . for thinking before acting.
. . . for hearing before judging.
. . . for forgiving your enemies.
. . . for being candid and frank.
. . . for helping a fallen brother.
. . . for being honest in business.
. . . for thinking before speaking.
. . . for being loyal to your church.
. . . for standing by your principles.
. . . for closing your ears to gossip.
. . . for bridling a slanderous tongue.
. . . for harboring only pure thoughts.
. . . for sympathizing with the afflicted.
. . . for being courteous and kind to all.
(E-zine: HUMORG Mailto:Judib@kktv.com)
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
AS THEY GET OLD . . . Part 2 of 2 [11-26,12-6]
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old students never die, they just get degraded.
Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
Old teachers never die, they just lose their class.
Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.
There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, but their future is doubtful.
Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor . . .
(E-zine: THE FUNNIES Mailto:andychaps_the-funnies- email@example.com)
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
For many years, the border between Poland and Russia was volatile. Due to a political shift, a farmer found that he was no longer a Russian, but had become a Pole. Thrilled, he told his wife, "Thank God ! No more of those freezing Russian winters."
(E-zine: KITTY'S DAILY MEWS Mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org)
Lexington, KY, has a 54-hole miniature golf course based entirely on scripture. On the Noah's Ark hole, for instance, players must putt around pairs of concrete animals. At the Jonah hole you tee off inside a giant whale. And at the Christ's empty tomb hole, a motion detector activates a recorded voice that sings, "He's alive" over and over. Other high-lights include Moses and the burning bush (when the ball goes in the cup, a shrub lights up.)
- The Oregonian, July 22, 1999