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WITandWISDOM(tm) - January 31, 2000
If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep." - Dale Carnegie
(E-zine: QUOTE A DAY Mailto:quoteaday- firstname.lastname@example.org)
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS Part 3 of 3 [1-10,1-20, 1-31]
This blooper showed up on the main page of the Internet web site for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada:
"In a show of near anonymity, the
convention approved full communion with
the Anglican Church of Canada."
Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.
The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles.
The ushers will light their candle from the pastor's candle.
The ushers will turn and light each worshiper in the first pew.
(For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care and pray for the children in school). When their meeting was canceled one week:
"There will be no Moms who care this week."
Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.
(E-zine: THE FUNNIES Mailto:andychaps_the-funnies- email@example.com)
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
I Wish I Were a Bear. If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could get used to that. And another thing: before you hibernate, You're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
That wouldn't bother me either. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business; You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. He likes it! I wish I were a bear.
(E-zine: TERESA'S JOKERS Mailto:jo-jokers- firstname.lastname@example.org)
BRAIN TEASER Question: An old miner needed some help to haul his gold to the bank. He hired ten men to haul his gold down from a mine. Each hired man had a donkey and hauled ten gold bars down the mountains. Each gold bar weighed twenty pounds. It was a three-day trip. During the trip, one of the hired help told the miner he had heard that one of the men was planning on stealing some gold by shaving one pound of gold from each bar his donkey was carrying. Upon reaching town, the miner used the local truck scale one time and identified the thief. How did the miner do this?
(E-zine: JOKE_A_WEEK http://www.onelist.com/viewarchive.cgi?listname=Joke_a_Week )
BRAIN TEASER Answer: The miner took 1 bar from the first man, 2 bars from the second man, 3 bars from the third and so on, taking 10 bars from the tenth man. He weighed the bars, and should have seen a total of 1100 pounds. (55 bars at 20 lbs. apiece) If the first man was the thief, the bars would weigh 1099. (1100 minus 1 lb. shaved off of one bar.) If the second man was the thief, the bars would weigh 1098 (1100 minus 1 lb. shaved off of two bars.) If the third man was the thief, the bars would weigh 1097 (1100 minus 1 lb. shaved off of three bars.) etc.