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WITandWISDOM(tm) - May 30, 2001
Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level. - Joyce Brothers
Submitted by Bettie
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
WHO AM I?
I was born in 1725, and I died 1807. The only godly influence in my life, as far back as I can remember, was my mother, whom I had for only seven years. When she left my life through death, I was virtually an orphan.
My father remarried, sent me to a strict military school, where the severity of discipline almost broke my back. I couldn't stand it any longer, and I left in rebellion at the age of ten. One year later, deciding that I would never enter formal education again, I became a seaman apprentice, hoping somehow to step into my father's trade and learn at least the ability to skillfully navigate a ship.
By and by, through a process of time, I slowly gave myself over to the devil. And I determined that I would sin to my fill without restraint, now that the righteous lamp of my life had gone out. I did that until my days in the military service, where again discipline worked hard against me, but I further rebelled.
My spirit would not break, and I became increasingly more and more a rebel. Because of a number of things that I disagreed with in the military, I finally deserted, only to be captured like a common criminal and beaten publicly several times.
After enduring the punishment, I again fled. I entertained thoughts of suicide on my way to Africa, deciding that would be the place I could get farthest from anyone that knew me. And again I made a pact with the devil to live for him.
Somehow, through a process of events, I got in touch with a Portuguese slave trader, and I lived in his home. His wife, who was brimming with hostility, took a lot out on me. She beat me, and I ate like a dog on the floor of the home. If I refused to do that, she would whip me with a lash.
I fled penniless, owning only the clothes on my back, to the shoreline of Africa where I built a fire, hoping to attract a ship that was passing by. The skipper thought that I had gold or slaves or Ivory to sell and was surprised because I was a skilled navigator. And it was there that I virtually lived for a long period of time. It was a slave ship.
I went through all sorts of narrow escapes with death only a hairbreadth away on a number of occasions. One time I opened some crates of rum and got everybody on the crew drunk. The skipper, incensed with my actions, beat me, threw me down below, and I lived on stale bread and sour vegetables for an unendurable amount of time. He brought me above to beat me again, and I fell overboard. Because I couldn't swim, he harpooned me to get me back on the ship. And I lived with the scar in my side, big enough for me to put my fist into, until the day of my death.
On board, I was inflamed with fever. I was enraged with the humiliation. A storm broke out, and I wound up again in the hold of the ship, down among the pumps. To keep the ship afloat, I worked along as a servant of the slaves. There, bruised and confused, bleeding, diseased, I was the epitome of the degenerate man. I remembered the words of my mother. I cried out to God, the only way I knew, calling upon His grace and His mercy to deliver me, and upon His son to save me. The only glimmer of light I would find was in a crack in the ship in the floor above me, and I looked up to it and screamed for help. God heard me.
Thirty-one years passed, I married a childhood sweetheart. I entered the ministry. In every place that I served, rooms had to be added to the building to handle the crowds that came to hear the gospel that was presented and the story of God's grace in my life.
My tombstone above my head reads, "Born 1725, died 1807. A clerk, once an infidel and libertine, a servant of slaves in Africa, was by the rich mercy of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, preserved, restored, pardoned, and appointed to preach the faith he once long labored to destroy."
I decided before my death to put my life's story in verse. And that verse has become a hymn.
My name? John Newton.
The hymn? "Amazing Grace."
Submitted by Kimberley Broyles
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
City of Sheffield - Metropolitan District
(Extracts of letters to council offices regarding public housing.)
The lavatory is blocked. This was caused by the boys next door throwing their balls on the roof.
This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next door.
The toilet is cracked, where do I stand?
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done, as my wife is about to become an expectant mother.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped and fell over and she is now pregnant.
Could you please repair our toilet, as my son pulled the chain and the box fell on his head.
Submitted by Ruby
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes tells that on his way to a reception being held in his honor, General Ulysses S Grant got caught in a rain shower. He offered the shelter of his umbrella to a stranger walking in the same direction as himself. The stranger was also bound for the reception, but confided that he was going only to satisfy a personal curiosity. He had never actually seen Grant. He explained, "Between us, I have always thought Grant was a very much overrated man."
"That's my view also," Grant said.
Source: The Timothy Report, Copyright (c) 2001 Swan Lake Communications, http://www.swanlake.twoffice.com
Controlling Your Arrow Keys
Here's a cool little arrow trick. Next time you're using your arrow keys to go from one area of a sentence to another (left and right arrows), hold down your CTRL key. Instead of moving one space at a time, you'll go one word at a time.
If you're using the up and down arrows to go from line to line, holding down the CTRL key will make your cursor jump from paragraph to paragraph (well, from carriage return to carriage return anyway).
One last thing, if you hold down the SHIFT key while you do this (i.e. hold down SHIFT & CTRL at the same time), you select text as you arrow along.
I've tested this in MS WORD. WordPerfect, & Wordpad, but it "should" work no matter what word processing program you use.
Source: Computer Tips, http://www.coolnewsletters.com