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WITandWISDOM(tm) - January 21, 2005
I will prepare and some day my chance will come. - Abraham Lincoln
Source: DailyInBox Presents, http://dailyinbox.com
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
Was That A Sneeze?
By Hope Mihalap
Newspaper columnists are always on the lookout for fresh ideas. I often found new material by keeping my eyes and ears open to the simple physical facts of life, facts like burping and sneezing for example. As I stopped by the newspaper office one afternoon to deliver articles, I heard the Sunday editor sneeze, "Ah-VRAKH!" I wouldn't have given the matter another thought had not the woman across the hall caught the bug at the same moment and sneezed literally, "Ah-choo, ah-choo, ah-CHOO!"
I hurried over to her. "Did you really honestly say 'Ah-choo' just now when you sneezed?" She remarked that she would scarcely consider sneezing any other way. The more I thought about it the more interesting it seemed. And it might not, I mused, be all that far-fetched because I myself say literally "HIC-cup!" when I hic-cough. But most sneezes are not as easy to spell as hers.
My father's sneezes are legendary. He snorted, "Broo-CHOW!" If the grandchildren were around he would extend it to "Broo-chow-chow-CHOW!" in an effort to get a rise out of them. At first they used to jump up and down in delight, but as they became older and more blase they would murmur vaguely, "Papou sneezed," and go on with their games.
Although my father's broo-CHOW had been know to fell a floor lamp, he disapproved of too loud a sneeze on the part of another. For years my mother stifled her sneezes into a strangled "Rukh", hoping he wouldn't hear. Then, as the women's rights movement came into its own, she read that it was not only assertive but healthier to let the old sneeze out with gusto. Accordingly she would bellow, "Ah-RAKH!" with the best of them causing my fanter to thrash apoplectically out from behind his newspaper to shout "Hah? What? What happened?"
I myself like an assertive sneeze. There is something abnormal to me about a gentle "pip" into a handkerchief. I enjoy embellishing my sneezes with international flavour. Some days I choose Russian composers: "RachMANinoff" I sneeze. "TchaiKOVsky!" Or "GLINka!"
As for geographical sneeze sounds, when I first heard that there was a Hawaiian island called OAHU, I realized that this was a sneeze just waiting to happen
All of which reminds me of a woman I knew in collage who burped, "OP'ra glasses!" I was fascinated. Some people may consider burps an indelicate topic, but I have heard that in some countries a generous burp at the dinner table the highest compliment that can be paid to a hostess. In any case, some talented individuals can burp at will. I have never had this talent and, in fact, cannot even burp against my will. Only once was I betrayed in this respect and that was on an occasion in the Vasser College library.
There I sat in the decorous stained glass silence of the reserve book room, surrounded by dozens of stony meditative readers turning pages silently. All of a sudden I was aware of a ticklish sensation in my throat, and I remember thinking, Now if I had ever been known to burp this would probably be a burp about to come forth. But since I had never burped, I assumed it would be a yawn and opened my mouth accordingly.
"BURP!" I roared at a volume unparalleled in grossness sending reserve books flying to the floor, shattering stained glass panes, causing fellow students to fall from their chairs.
I have never been able to do it again.
But you should hear me sneeze in church!
Submitted by Mavis Weatherhead
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
A tobacco company sent Dave several packages of cigarettes with the explanation: "We are sending you some of our finest cigarettes. We hope you enjoy them and will want more."
After several months the tobacco company received this reply from Dave: "I got your cigarettes and soaked them in a quart of water which I sprayed on my bug-infested rosebushes. Every bug died! These cigarettes make best poison ever! Please send me some more next month in case any bugs survived."
Source: Laughter for a Saturday
In Texas there is a species of ant that has a large stopper-shaped head that exactly fits the circular hole that forms the entrance to the nest. These soldier ants have only one purpose in life, to provide a movable front door to the nest. Always one soldier ant is on duty with its head pressed tightly against the door. When a worker ant wants to go out of the nest, she signals by stroking the soldier ant from the back. Immediately the "door" stands aside and lets her pass. When she returns from her duties, she strokes the soldier's forehead. Again the living door moves out of the way and allows her to enter. Should an enemy try to invade the nest, he must find another way. Then the soldier ants fight bravely, using their strong, powerful jaws to defend the colony.
All worker ants show a similar spirit of bravery, devotion, and self-sacrifice when their home is in danger. If a flood of water comes down into the nest, they begin to move with frantic haste, hurrying not away from the nest but back into it. Risking their lives, they return again and again for their young. Carrying both eggs and larvae to safety, they exhibit real courage as they save what they can, though they themselves may die. When a hungry or starving ant finds food she seldom eats it herself, but carries it to her sisters. Seldom will she take one mouthful. Instead she fills her crop and hastens home to share with others.
Source: Stop, Look and Listen by Eileen E. and Jay H. Lantry, Copyright(c)1976 by Review and Herald Publishing Association, LCCN 75-32229
Submitted by Mary Thayne