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WITandWISDOM(tm) - May 23, 2005
"It is by attempting to reach the top in a single leap that so much misery is produced in the world." - William Cobbett, 1763-1835, British Journalist and Reformer
Source: Insight of the Day, http://www.insightoftheday.com
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
Several years ago a teacher assigned to visit children in a large city hospital received a routine call requesting that she visit a particular child. She took the boy's name and room number and was told by the teacher on the other end of the line, "We're studying nouns and adverbs in his class now. I'd be grateful if you could help him with his homework so he doesn't fall behind the others."
It wasn't until the visiting teacher got outside the boy's room that she realized it was located in the hospital's burn unit. No one had prepared her to find a young boy horribly burned and in great pain. She felt that she couldn't just turn and walk out, so she awkwardly stammered, "I'm the hospital teacher, and your teacher sent me to help you with nouns and adverbs."
The next morning a nurse on the burn unit asked her, "What did you do to that boy?" Before she could finish a profusion of apologies, the nurse interrupted her: "You don't understand. We've been very worried about him, but ever since you were here yesterday, his whole attitude has changed. He's fighting back, responding to treatment--.It's as though he's decided to live." The boy later explained that he had completely given up hope until he saw that teacher. It all changed when he came to a simple realization. With joyful tears he expressed it this way: "They wouldn't send a teacher to work on nouns and adverbs with a dying boy, would they?"
James S. Hewett, Illustrations Unlimited (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc, 1988) pp. 292-293, http://isbn.nu/0842315691
Source: A Dose of Inspiration, http://www.quietstones.com/mydailydose
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
Not only is baseball America's pastime but the most pervasive athletic metaphor in the American language. Whether or not we're fans, we speak baseballese just about every day, and all year round.
Fill in each blank below with a common word or phrase that has its origins in baseball. Don't worry. I won't throw you any curveballs. In fact, right off the bat, I'll offer an example for you to bat around:
"I know you won't quit. You'll always be IN THERE PITCHING."
1. We're not making a bit of progress with this project. We can't even get to _____.
2. You are so out of it. You're way out there in _____.
3. Some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth, while others are born with _____ against them.
4. Everybody's so enthusiastic about your proposal. You just hit a _____.
5. I know you can't give me an exact price, but can you give me a _____ figure?
6. These people are really serious. They play _____.
7. On Broadway, the new musical "The Producers" has been a _____.
8. I promise I'll consult you before I make any decisions. I'll be sure to _____ with you.
9. I can't meet you today, but I'd like to in the near future. Would you mind if I took a _____?
10. Let's act quickly. Let's do it right _____.
11. She's such a wild and wacky woman - a real _____.
12. Throckmorton is away at a conference, so we're going to have Gump _____ for him.
13. That performance was great. It was a _____ performance.
14. They're chintzy, they're inexperienced; they're incompetent. They run a _____ operation.
15. Greg will stay single for the rest of his life. Rather than settling down, he prefers to _____.
1. first base
2. left field
3. two strikes
4. home run
7. smash hit
8. touch base
9. rain check
10. off the bat
13. major league
14. bush league/minor league
15. play the field
By Richard Lederer
Source: Arizona Humor, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/arizona_humor/
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.
"What is it made of?" she asked.
"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."
"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."
Submitted by B.B.
When Edward M. Karrmann, insurance president, celebrated his 60th birthday, neighbors from a hotel across the street from his Indianapolis office sent over two bottles of champagne and a birthday cake. When Karrmann opened the box containing the cake, he found an apologetic note from the hotel management saying that they didn't have 60 birthday candles.
Instead, in the middle of the cake was a 60-watt light bulb.
Source: The Funnies, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies