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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 9, 1998 THOUGHTS: He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. - George Herbert (Shared by Timothy Cabrera) SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Dear Friends of Byard's Pixel Parish, Part 1 of 2 I have a hunch the devil is going to get fired soon, and I'm glad about that. He is doing a rotten job. First of all I don't think he has been real honest. I met a guy the other day so jittery you'd have thought he must have eaten a whole box of Lucky Charms before coming to church. I asked him what he was doing to relax. He told me that he was smoking two packs of Camels a day, but he thought he might have to bump it up to three . . . just to calm himself down a bit. I told him if he was that addicted to green leafy vegetables he ought to try spinach . . . all the taste and no federal taxes. Where a guy gets the idea that smoking will calm him down is probably from the same tyrannical fellow who told one of my church members that TV was good for relaxation. Television is another reason I will be glad to see the devil on a street corner with a sign around his neck that says, "Will work for food." Currently the devil has plenty to eat, his primary diet is "brain food." He particularly has a taste for children's brains. And it is agonizing to me to see parents tossing their children's brains to this hungry lion. Going door to door the other day I sat in a living room of a couple who set their 5 and 6 year olds in front of the TV to watch "Matilda" (a story of a child witch) while they prayed with the "pastor" (moi). When school desks started bashing into walls and an invisible hand started to frantically scratch on a chalk board, I said to the parents, "You know that is Satanism?" They calmly picked up the remote and pointed over the heads of their riveted kids turning the sound down three bars and said, "Yes, there is a lot of that these days." Now, no Christian parent would take their child to the haunting home of a palm reader, a medium or a witch. But bring sorcery, demonism, nudity, alien creatures, or mass murderers into the sanctity of their living room, where they have family worship, where they pray every day and where they play with the children and sleep at night . . .and suddenly that makes more sense? Stop the planet, I want off! In Jesus' Love, Pastor Byard Parks THIS & THAT: LETTERS TO DEAR ABBY (not printed in newspaper) DEAR ABBY: Will you please rush me the name of a reliable illegitimate doctor? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ DEAR ABBY: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ DEAR ABBY: I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out? ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ DEAR ABBY: My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ DEAR ABBY: Do you think about dying much? - Curious DEAR Curious: No, it's the last thing I want to do. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ DEAR ABBY: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? - SAM IN CAL DEAR Sam: Yes, Run for public office. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ DEAR ABBY: What inspires you most to write? - TED DEAR Ted: The Bureau of Internal Revenue. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ DEAR ABBY: I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits. - ROSE DEAR Rose: So would I. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ (Shared by Scott Neville via Good, Clean Funnies List ~~~~~~~~~~~~ One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this . . . by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework." (Shared by Joke-a-Mania Mailing List TRIVIA: Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system . . ." (Shared by Warren Straszheim) |