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WITandWISDOM(tm) - July 10, 1998 THOUGHTS: Be careful of your thoughts: They may become words at any moment. (Shared by Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Dear Friends of Byard's Pixel Parish, Part 2 of 2 Another reason this devil ought to be fired is that he never sleeps. This kind of work-oholism drives him and us crazy. I am frankly sick of his obsessive compulsive behavior and will be glad when it stops. I have to agree with Ghandi who said, "There is more to life than increasing it's speed." The other day, an average work day, I drove 260 miles. I figure with the apostle Paul's short stubby legs, it would have taken him 6 days to go that distance, walking eight hours a day at a mile every twelve minutes. If every one of my days is equal to six of the apostle Paul's, then the work of God ought to be finished on earth right now. I am tired of being so speedy. I'll be glad when the devil is fired, then I can slow down. And another thing I don't like about the devil is his criticizing, sarcastic manner. There is no reason for it. Doesn't he know who I am? I am a child of the KING! He has no right to talk to me the way he does. I will be glad when the devil is fired. Then Jesus will be the boss. But I have heard that there are severe pay reductions when that happens. This could cause some real problems, as there are a lot of people who enjoy the wages of sin; it pays their bills. "For the wages of sin is death." I guess if you owe death something, it's the only acceptable currency you can use. Only? No, you can put it on your Master's charge. Praise God for that! "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus." Eph. 2:1-8 Stop the planet, I want off! In Jesus' Love, Pastor Byard Parks THIS & THAT: REALITY CHECK . . . PLEASE! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up . . . An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnaped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts . . . A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs. A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain. More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six million dollars . . . Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!" A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!" (Shared by Warren Straszheim) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane he accidently ended up in first class, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to get something to drink. Upon arriving at a soda shop, he ordered a root beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After drinking the large mug of root beer, the blind man asked where the bathroom was located. He was told, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped and missed the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to a swimming pool, where fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!" ared by Ja Fernandez via Oracle Service Humor Mailing List TRIVIA: The newly discovered pompeii worm, Alvinella pompejana, can survive a temperature difference of up to about 70 degrees Centigrade (about 130 degrees Fahrenheit) between its tail and its head! Pompeii worms live in tubes at undersea hydrothermal vents, where hot, mineral-laden water shoots out of the ocean floor. To read about the newly discovered worms, visit http://www.udel.edu/PR/Messenger/96/2/40.html To learn more about thermal vent communities, visit http://seawifs.gsfc.nasa.gov/OCEAN_PLANET/HTML/oceanography_recently_revealed1.h tml (Shared by The Learning Kingdom |