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WIT & WISDOM - August 12, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy." - Robert Marlowe [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: After hearing a caustic irreligionist administer verbal rebuke to churches and churchmen, this acrostic evolved, in which the qualifications of a true church and, inclusively, a true church member are set forth. C - It is a Christlike church. H - It is a Happy church. Psalm 144:15 U - It is an Unselfish church. James 1:27 R - It is a Radiant church. C - It is a Charitable church. H - It is a Hopeful church. 2 Peter 3:14 By Owen A. Troy, Signs of the Times, November 1924 [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: MURPHY'S HOUSEHOLD LAWS A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to his ability to actually do the work involved. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one. A newly washed window gathers dirt at twice the speed of an unwashed one. The availability of a ball-point pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote-controls divided by the number of viewers. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outside temperature. The capacity of any water-heater is equal to one and a half sibling showers. What goes up must come down, except bubble gum and slightly used cereal. [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A Texan died and went to heaven where St. Peter met him at the Pearly Gates. "Show me what you got, Pete," said the Texan. St. Peter swung open the gates and revealed a beautiful landscape of mountains, rivers, streams, trees, flowers and all the trimmings. "We've got that in Texas. We call it Supreme Ranch" said Texan St. Pete flashed up a scene of men, women and children frolicking on the countryside, riding coaches, swinging, swimming, riding horses, bicycling, etc. "We've got that, too. We call it Six Flags." Where upon St. Peter threw open a trapdoor of the fires of Hell and out shot a huge ball of fire followed by a solid stream of flame sweeping over the entire area. The blinding light and heat were enormous. "We don't have that," said the Texan, "but we've got a guy in Houston who can put it out." [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: In the 1970's, a man in Taiwan wrote 700 love letters to his girlfriend over the course of two years, trying to convince her to marry. She married the postman who delivered the letters. - Trivia Time, by Janet Spencer ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Daily Humor (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Acres/1029/Jokes.htm) [2] (Dale Galusha http://www.pacificpress.com/signs) [3] (Fast Eddie's Funnies http://recommend- it.com/l.z.e?s=154533) [4] (Cherl Russell) |