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WIT & WISDOM - September 4, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "When it rains, I let it." By a 113 year old man in response to a question about the secret of his longevity. [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life from aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain. - Emily Dickinson [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: THIS WACKY WORLD Anton Wladich's snoring has become so loud since breaking his nose, that most of his street's residents in Warsaw, Poland, have moved house to escape the noise. Furious girls in Lodz, Poland, are demanding a refund after paying US$800 to join a dating agency which had 300 women - but just seven men. An underwear factory in Volgrad, Russia, is preventing redundancies (layoffs) by paying its staff with 36 pairs of free knickers a month. Former prisoner James Knapp confessed to police that he'd robbed two stores in Oklahoma, US, because he missed his old cell-mates. Police said they'd see if James could be reunited with his old friends. Six people taken to hospital from a reception in Moscow were injured by flying champagne corks. Scared Charles Hurden locked himself in his shed for three days after he thought asteroids landed in his garden in Sydney, Australia. They were luminous balloons from a party 16 km away. Gunman Simon Kingstree failed to rob a bank in Carolina, US, because staff kept laughing at his big ears - even when he threatened to shoot a cashier. A burglar charged with raiding vending machine paid his bail with US$300 in coins. A golf match in Los Angeles, US, was abandoned when a cow wandered onto the fairway, deposited a cow-pat on the 17th green and then chased the players. [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: I had been teaching my three-year-old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after me. One night she said she was ready to solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail. Amen." from The Reader's Digest [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: KITCHEN: Part 1 of 2 (Not all of these have personally been tested) Apples turn lettuce brown and carrots bitter if stored together in the refrigerator. Before squeezing a lemon, pop it in the microwave for 30 seconds or in hot water a few minutes. Warming the fruit makes it juicier. Reduce fat calories by using a small amount of strong flavored cheese to replace a larger amount of a mild cheese. Don't throw away that mustard squeeze bottle! Wash and deodorize with baking soda. Filled with frosting, it's great for decorating cakes and cookies. [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (INSPIRE http://www.infoadvn.com/inspire/) [2] (Daily Encounter http://www.actsweb.org/daily ) [3] (Brian Myers via Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List KSullivan@worldnet.att.net) [4] (Teresa's Jokers http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Delphi/5655/) [5] (Larry Reed) |