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WIT & WISDOM - September 17, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: WHAT IF . . . WHAT IF . . . God couldn't take the time to bless us today because we couldn't take the time to thank Him yesterday? WHAT IF . . . God decided to stop leading us tomorrow because we did not follow Him today? WHAT IF . . . We never saw another flower bloom because we grumbled when God sent the rain? WHAT IF . . . God took away the Bible tomorrow because we would not read it today? WHAT IF . . . God took away His message because we failed to listen to His messenger? WHAT IF . . . The door of the church was closed because we did not open to door of our heart? WHAT IF . . . God stopped loving and caring for us because we failed to love and care for others? WHAT IF . . . God wouldn't hear us today because we would not listen to Him yesterday? WHAT IF . . . God answered our prayers the way we answer His call for service? [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: FUNNY EPITAPHS FROM REAL TOMBSTONES: Part 1 of 3 On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle Age 102 The Good Die Young. In a London, England cemetery: Ann Mann Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna. Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast Pardon me For not rising. Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake. In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays Butch, We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw. [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: There's nothing peculiar about Peculiar, Missouri, Frank Gallant learned in researching a book about unusual American place- names. In 1868 the town's first postmaster proposed names that Washington, D.C., kept rejecting. Exasperated, he wrote the Postmaster General asking him to take over the job: "We don't care what name you give us so long as it is sort of peculiar." And so it was. - Some places got their names by accident or error. Correct, Indiana, for example, is incorrect; its residents' choice, Comet, was misread. - National Geographic, August 1998 ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Kathryn Souza-Wine) [2] (The Funnies Andychap@aol.com) [3] (Mikey's Funnies http://www.YouthSpecialties.com) [4] (The Funnies Andychap@aol.com) |