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WIT & WISDOM - September 16, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: The shortest and surest way to live with honor in this world is to be in reality what we appear to be. - Socrates ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: If you here stop and ask yourselves why you are not as pious as the primitive Christians were, your own heart will tell you that it is neither through ignorance nor through inability, but purely because you never thoroughly intended it. - William Law (1686-1761) [1] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: TOP TIPS (Not by Martha Stewart) OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. DRILL a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed. SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat. AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. RETIREES. Try sitting on a pile of encyclopedias next time you go for a drive in your car. That way you will be able to see out of the front window. OLD contact lenses make ideal 'portholes' for small model boats. TAKE your garbage can to the supermarket with you so that you can see which items you have recently run out of. MAKE bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand and a bag of salt into the bath. SAVE on charity donations by spending a $10 on clothes at a charity shop, then selling them for $5 to another charity shop. This way you can give twice as much, at half the cost. I think. [2] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: On Sunday morning a father gave his son a couple of quarters and a dollar. "Put the dollar in the offering," the father said. "Then you can have the fifty cents for ice cream." When the boy came home he still had the dollar. "Why didn't you put the dollar in the offering?" his father asked. "Well, it was like this," the boy explained. "The preacher said that God loves a cheerful giver. I could give the fifty cents a whole lot more cheerfully than I could the dollar." [3] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: Imagine building Charles de Gaulle Airport, the Golden Gate Bridge, Chicago's Kennedy Expressway, two Boston harbor tunnels, Phase 2 of Singapore's Mass Rail Transit, housing for 20,00 people and reclaiming enough land for 16 Disneylands all at the same time. Now stop imagining. It's been done. It's called the Hongkong International Airport at Chek Lap Kok, Hongkong. - newspaper clipping from Indiana [4] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Christian Quotation of the Day [3] (Patty Patterson) [4] (Barb Kilmer via MONDAY FODDER by Dave in Hong Kong dgaufaaa@iohk.com) |