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WIT & WISDOM - September 29, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: The failure is only a successful person who never learned how to keep trying. - Unknown [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: Shortly after the Dallas Theological Seminary was founded in 1924, it almost folded into bankruptcy. All the creditors were ready to foreclose at noon on a given day. That morning, the founders of the seminary met in the President's office to pray that God would somehow provide. In that meeting was a man named Dr. Harry Ironside. When it was his turn to pray, he said in his refreshingly candid way, "Lord, we know that the cattle on a thousand hills are thine. Please sell some of them and send the money to us. Just about that time, a tall Texan wearing cowboy boots an open-collar shirt strolled into the school's business office. "Howdy," he said to a secretary. I've just sold two carloads of cattle over in Fort Worth. I've been trying to make another business deal go through, but it just won't work. I feel God wants me to give this money to the seminary. I don't know if you need it or not, but here's the check." The secretary took the check and, knowing of the nature of the business that day, went to the door of the President's office and timidly knocked. Dr. Lewis Sperry Chafer, the founder and President of Dallas Theological Seminary, answered the door and took the check from the secretary. When he looked at the amount, it was for the exact amount of the debt. Then he recognized the name of the cattleman on the check, and turning to Dr. Ironside, he said, "Harry, God sold the cattle." [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: STRICT, UNBENDING RULES FOR DEALING WITH STRAY CATS 1. Stray cats will not be fed. 2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food. 3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk. 4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps. 5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence. 6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily. 7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name. 8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time. 9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times. 10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in "y". 11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture. 12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture. 13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches. 14. Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the sand. 15. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh'n'Sweet kitty litter. 16. Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room. 17. Stray cats will sleep outside. 18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage. 19. Stray cats will sleep in the house. 20. Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket. 21. Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow. 22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed. 23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot. 24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers. 25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers except at the foot. 26. Stray cats will not play on the desk. 27. Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer. 28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier' puyykmm4hbdm9lo9j USING IT. [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: Schneider applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job. Two hours later, Schneider came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?" "Easy," Schneider replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us." [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: If you would like to use a search engine that can limit it's search to web sites in Canada you can visit http://www.canada.com Backed by Southam, Canada's largest newspaper conglomerate, Canada.com provides powerful search capabilities and a good mix of features. Canada.com hosts a News Cafe site that provides extensive news coverage from all the Southam papers. (Southam owns 33 of Canada's daily newspapers, including The Vancouver Sun and the Vancouver Province, The Calgary Herald, The Edmonton Journal, The Hamilton Spectator, The Ottawa Citizen, and The Montreal Gazette.) The search engine's default setting lets users scour the entire Web, but it also contains options for geographically limiting a search. (Choose from North America, Canada, Europe, and more.) [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Inspiration a Day! jhinds@technologist.com) [2] (Jim Pattillo, Dallas Texas) [3] (LadyHawke via Kitty's Daily Mews http://www.katscratch.com) [4] (Daily Humor (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Acres/1029/Jokes.htm) [5] (Bunny Lady) |