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WIT & WISDOM - October 15, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: The roots of true achievement lie in the will to become the best that you can become. - Harold Taylor [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: A member of the church once got drunk. He sought to go back to God and get his peace restored. He could not find the Saviour, so he sought again. His minister called upon him. The minister said, "You pray again." They knelt down together. "O God, thou knowest thy servant in a moment of unwatchfulness was overtaken by a sin!" "Nonsense!" said the minister, "tell the Lord you got drunk." That was another matter; he could not bring that up. He began again: "O Lord, thou knowest thy servant in his weakness and frailty was overtaken by a besetment!" "Nonsense! tell the Lord you got drunk." At last the poor fellow said, "O God, have mercy on me; I got drunk!" Then very speedily that man was at peace with God again. By Mark Guy Pearce, Signs of the Times, August 19, 1897 [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: TODAY'S STOCK MARKET REPORT Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market... [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked a small boy sitting on the steps in front of a house. "Yeah, she's home," the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home ! ? " The kid replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live." [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: The Los Angeles Catholic Worker, which operates a soup kitchen for the homeless in Los Angeles, received a special $10,000 donation. Not for food to feed the hungry; not for medical care; not for shelters; not for job training. No, it was earmarked for 100 loaner shopping carts. Homeless people who take the sturdy wheeled carts from supermarkets are committing theft, so the new $100 carts are being given to homeless people to keep their belongings in as they wander around town. "This one's a Cadillac. I love it," said one man taking his new wheels out for a test drive. (AP) [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Inspiration a Day! [2] (Dale Galusha [3] (Funny-Bone [4] (Kitty's Daily Mews [5] (Big Al) |